my best friend's wife is unfaithful, how should a Christian handle this?
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my best friend's wife is unfaithful, how should a Chris... - 11/5/2008 9:33:29 PM
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cantckaja
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not sure where to post this. my best friend's wife is unfaithful and he does not know about it. i know for a fact that she has been, it isnt just a rumor or anything like that. how, as a Christian, should i handle this? i dont know if i should confront her or just outright tell him, or do nothing since its butting into another familys business. all 3 of us are Christians. thanks
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RE: my best friend's wife is unfaithful, how should a C... - 11/5/2008 10:29:59 PM
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DeeAnnBailey
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First, not sure how you KNOW this but if you truly do a lot of prayer is needed before you do anything. I understand as a friend you want your friend to know but understand that he may 'shoot the messenger' if you tell him. And if you tell her you know she may try to turn things around to make you look bad to him.
Only God can truly handle this situation and He will direct. The most important thing you could do right now is pray - pray for your friend, his wife, pray for conviction power.
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My Blog Dee's Delights and Delusions
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RE: my best friend's wife is unfaithful, how should a C... - 11/5/2008 10:36:13 PM
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deermousie
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He probably needs to know so he can decide what to do with his life and protect any children. He also needs to get checked for VD.
Personally, I'd tell the gal (take a witness with you. Better yet, take two. Make one of them the pastor maybe) and tell her that if she doesn't tell him in the next 2 hours, you will.
Then when your friend has made this is public knowledge, weep with him; he has suffered a terrible loss and is going to need support and wise counsel.
Bless you for caring for your friend.
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RE: my best friend's wife is unfaithful, how should a C... - 11/5/2008 11:02:31 PM
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misty35
Posts: 614
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quote:
ORIGINAL: cantckaja
not sure where to post this. my best friend's wife is unfaithful and he does not know about it. i know for a fact that she has been, it isnt just a rumor or anything like that. how, as a Christian, should i handle this? i dont know if i should confront her or just outright tell him, or do nothing since its butting into another familys business. all 3 of us are Christians. thanks
The only way I can honestly answer you on this or even advise you, is if I put myself in your position. The first thing we want to do, is tell the friend and then we debate, maybe I should tell her that I know, and before you know it, your mind is like a battlefield. If I were you, I would seriously pray. There are friendships here that can be ruined, either way this goes. The Lord tells us to cast our burdens on Him...remember He knows your heart, He knows what your feeling and He knows your concerns about this...so give it to Him. And when we give Him our burdens, we are not too worry about them anymore, He will take care of it. Im going to pray for you tonight, that the Lord will remove this heavy burden from you, and give you peace. Allow Him to do what needs to be done. He will take care of it. 
_____________________________
"For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind." 2 Timothy 1:7 
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RE: my best friend's wife is unfaithful, how should a C... - 11/6/2008 12:01:30 AM
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cantckaja
Posts: 16
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thanks, i apprieciate that
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RE: my best friend's wife is unfaithful, how should a C... - 11/6/2008 2:05:56 AM
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SinnerSaved
Posts: 318
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From: Belfast, N. Ireland
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quote:
ORIGINAL: cantckaja
my best friend's wife is unfaithful and he does not know about it. i know for a fact that she has been, it isnt just a rumor or anything like that.
I'm not sure how you are so certain about this, but before doing anything, you need to be absolutely sure that you are not acting on the 'evidence' of a third party. I assume when you said about 'confronting' her that she has not confided this information to you, so unless you were actually there, I also assume that you have been told about her infidelity.
quote:
ORIGINAL: cantckaja
how, as a Christian, should i handle this? i dont know if i should confront her or just outright tell him, or do nothing since its butting into another familys business. all 3 of us are Christians. thanks
If all 3 of you are Christians, then you are one family. Ask yourself:
1. What would you do if your married sisiter was having an affair? Would you not discuss it with her, counsel her and try to help her back to the narrow path?
2. What would you do if your married brother was being cuckolded? Would you want to extend his pain and humiliation and susceptibility to STD?
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RE: my best friend's wife is unfaithful, how should a C... - 11/6/2008 2:39:37 AM
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Child4Jesus
Posts: 467
Joined: 5/24/2005
From: Long Island, Nassau, Elmont, NY
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quote:
ORIGINAL: cantckaja
not sure where to post this. my best friend's wife is unfaithful and he does not know about it. i know for a fact that she has been, it isnt just a rumor or anything like that. how, as a Christian, should i handle this? i dont know if i should confront her or just outright tell him, or do nothing since its butting into another familys business. all 3 of us are Christians. thanks
It's a tough thing because it could backfire and ruin your friendship with him. On the other hand you may want to tell him the truth and risk messing up your friendship. There is also the factor of her getting a disease from someone else and giving it to her husband. Or getting pregnant for some other man. You are in a tough spot. Pray pray pray.
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In Christ,
Richad
The greatest heresy to American Christianity is that if you ask Jesus to come into your heart, he definitely will.
Paul Washer
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RE: my best friend's wife is unfaithful, how should a C... - 11/6/2008 9:07:09 AM
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rcjames
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Dicey situation.
To tell the husband that you KNOW (think) his wife is unfaithful will do nothing but cause problems, between you and him, and betwen him and his wife.
If this is really a burden on you then talk to the wife as she is the one you KNOW (think) is in error. Certainly take your wife with you when you do and offer the supposed adulterer counsel and prayer.
Thanks
RC
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Just a country Preacher's humble opinion
Read the first chapter of my latest book here;
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RE: my best friend's wife is unfaithful, how should a C... - 11/6/2008 10:20:23 AM
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chrisovery
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i think we need to go through the bible on this one. they both claim to be christians right. then make your confrontation to what the bible states. first tell her and then take a few brothers with you to confront her and then bring her before the church. if you just go directly to your friend then it will not be seen as you trying to help but rather that you are trying to hurt.
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It is utterly impossible to govern a nation with out the Lord Jesus Christ and the bible.
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RE: my best friend's wife is unfaithful, how should a C... - 11/6/2008 6:41:50 PM
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1love1God1way
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I think the first step a Christian should take is to not gossip about it.
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RE: my best friend's wife is unfaithful, how should a C... - 11/6/2008 8:01:23 PM
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Walker311
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quote:
my best friend's wife is unfaithful and he does not know about it.
There is a good possibility that he knows but you may not know that he knows. Clear as mud!
I suggest that you pray then wait and see.
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RE: my best friend's wife is unfaithful, how should a C... - 11/6/2008 8:11:28 PM
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small_creation
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quote:
ORIGINAL: 1love1God1way
I think the first step a Christian should take is to not gossip about it.
That is correct advice, Ben, but by what we know gossip has not occured, and OP seems very genuine in taking the right steps to help out his friend.
j
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RE: my best friend's wife is unfaithful, how should a C... - 11/7/2008 11:23:42 PM
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chrisovery
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quote:
ORIGINAL: misty35
quote:
ORIGINAL: chrisovery
i think we need to go through the bible on this one. they both claim to be christians right. then make your confrontation to what the bible states. first tell her and then take a few brothers with you to confront her and then bring her before the church. if you just go directly to your friend then it will not be seen as you trying to help but rather that you are trying to hurt.
You say, "First tell her, and then take a few brothers with you to confront her, and then bring her before the church." Please explain this....Im either reading it wrong, confused or this statement went right over my head.
this is what the word of god states. jesus words to be exact. first you confront the other believer of their sin and if they do not hear then take a few brothers or sisters with you to confront them and if they still do not listen then you bring them before the church. if he told his friend straight out his friend is more than likely going to become angry with him.
doing this the way that jesus stated or what i wrote in this thread is not gossip it is bringing the sin to the surface in hopes that they will repent. this maybe saving the marriage and more importantly the soul of the woman committing the sin.
this is right out of the word of god misty. why would you question the lords wisdom. not mine without him i have no wisdom of such things.
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It is utterly impossible to govern a nation with out the Lord Jesus Christ and the bible.
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RE: my best friend's wife is unfaithful, how should a C... - 11/7/2008 11:34:54 PM
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elliemaejune
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If you know a brother (or sister) is in sin, you are supposed to go to him (or her). This is not "confronting," a word which has a very antagonistic connotation. It is going to your fellow Christian in hopes that she will repent.
I don't believe this is a Matthew 18 issue, but it is still one which needs to be dealt with directly.
You can only "know" that she is being unfaithful if you saw her with your own eyeballs. If you did in fact witness something, then of course you should go to her. If she denies it and refuses to repent, and you know for sure because you saw it with your own eyeballs, then IMHO you should tell her that you feel obligated to talk to her dh. Yes, even if it messes up your friendship, which is why you must be absolutely, without any doubt, sure that she was unfaithful.
But you better be sure beyond sure before you say anything.
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RE: my best friend's wife is unfaithful, how should a C... - 11/8/2008 12:08:06 AM
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His_4_Ever
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I would definitely pray over this. I would probably arrange to meet with her alone and let her know what you observed. You need to give her a chance to confirm or deny it. Then I would from there. I would give her the option, a set time period in which she is to tell her husband herself. If she doesn't follow through, then I would let my friend know myself. I would not be totally accusatory or bad mouth his wife. I would pick a nice calm setting and tell him in caring and emphasizing manner. He'd probably be less likely to go off on a tyrant in this kind of setting and it will also show him your not in a "I can't wait to tell him" vindictive manner. Definitely, don't tell anyone, no one wants their dirty laundry aired, especially before they know about it themselves.
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RE: my best friend's wife is unfaithful, how should a C... - 11/8/2008 12:34:12 AM
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chrisovery
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quote:
ORIGINAL: elliemaejune
If you know a brother (or sister) is in sin, you are supposed to go to him (or her). This is not "confronting," a word which has a very antagonistic connotation. It is going to your fellow Christian in hopes that she will repent.
I don't believe this is a Matthew 18 issue, but it is still one which needs to be dealt with directly.
You can only "know" that she is being unfaithful if you saw her with your own eyeballs. If you did in fact witness something, then of course you should go to her. If she denies it and refuses to repent, and you know for sure because you saw it with your own eyeballs, then IMHO you should tell her that you feel obligated to talk to her dh. Yes, even if it messes up your friendship, which is why you must be absolutely, without any doubt, sure that she was unfaithful.
But you better be sure beyond sure before you say anything.
one time your stating do not confront the issue then you state that it needs to be dealt with directly. hmm, what is the differance? if he takes it to the husband it may not only tear apart their friendship but also cause problems in faith wondering why a man of god would do such a thing. causing him to stumble. where if you have to bring it out in front of the church then she has no true way of denying it.
there is no specific issue in matt.18 that declares what sin to do this with and what sin not to do it with.
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It is utterly impossible to govern a nation with out the Lord Jesus Christ and the bible.
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RE: my best friend's wife is unfaithful, how should a C... - 11/8/2008 1:46:14 AM
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atruefaith
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I would tell him as soon as possible. He needs to know and he'll need your love and support. It should be left with him to confront his wife in love and truth.
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RE: my best friend's wife is unfaithful, how should a C... - 11/8/2008 9:04:19 AM
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chrisovery
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quote:
ORIGINAL: atruefaith
I would tell him as soon as possible. He needs to know and he'll need your love and support. It should be left with him to confront his wife in love and truth.
where is this biblical? have any of you ever dealt with this kind of situation before? i really dont think so from the advice that i am seeing. are we trying to save souls or cause problems with them. because this approach that you are all talking about is going to cause more problems with the mans soul. i am not saying this to be mean. but i have seen this kind of situation a lot.
a man will his wifes words and manipulation over his friends it is human nature. like i stated i have seen this 100s of times.
< Message edited by chrisovery -- 11/8/2008 9:36:36 AM >
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It is utterly impossible to govern a nation with out the Lord Jesus Christ and the bible.
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RE: my best friend's wife is unfaithful, how should a C... - 11/8/2008 12:12:39 PM
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misty35
Posts: 614
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From: Arkansas
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quote:
ORIGINAL: chrisovery
quote:
ORIGINAL: misty35
quote:
ORIGINAL: chrisovery
i think we need to go through the bible on this one. they both claim to be christians right. then make your confrontation to what the bible states. first tell her and then take a few brothers with you to confront her and then bring her before the church. if you just go directly to your friend then it will not be seen as you trying to help but rather that you are trying to hurt.
You say, "First tell her, and then take a few brothers with you to confront her, and then bring her before the church." Please explain this....Im either reading it wrong, confused or this statement went right over my head.
this is what the word of god states. jesus words to be exact. first you confront the other believer of their sin and if they do not hear then take a few brothers or sisters with you to confront them and if they still do not listen then you bring them before the church. if he told his friend straight out his friend is more than likely going to become angry with him.
doing this the way that jesus stated or what i wrote in this thread is not gossip it is bringing the sin to the surface in hopes that they will repent. this maybe saving the marriage and more importantly the soul of the woman committing the sin.
this is right out of the word of god misty. why would you question the lords wisdom. not mine without him i have no wisdom of such things.
First of all Chris, dont make out like Im questioning the Lord's wisdom...you are clearly wrong on that one, if thats what your thinking. "Anyone" has to be very careful, on how they handle situations like this. Matthew 18:15-17 Is not giving anyone a license for frontal attack or a church trial against this lady. You may interpret those verses differently from me.....but I do not believe for a minute, that Jesus Christ would want this situation handled in a way thats going to make this lady feel like her brothers and sisters in Christ are against her. If you feel differently, I respect you for that....
_____________________________
"For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind." 2 Timothy 1:7
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RE: my best friend's wife is unfaithful, how should a C... - 11/8/2008 2:15:13 PM
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rcjames
Posts: 5771
Joined: 7/15/2005
From: Oklahoma
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quote:
ORIGINAL: chrisovery
quote:
ORIGINAL: atruefaith
I would tell him as soon as possible. He needs to know and he'll need your love and support. It should be left with him to confront his wife in love and truth.
where is this biblical? have any of you ever dealt with this kind of situation before? i really dont think so from the advice that i am seeing. are we trying to save souls or cause problems with them. because this approach that you are all talking about is going to cause more problems with the mans soul. i am not saying this to be mean. but i have seen this kind of situation a lot.
a man will his wifes words and manipulation over his friends it is human nature. like i stated i have seen this 100s of times.
I agree chrisovery, to take tales of infidelity to the husband is totally unScriptural, but going to the sinning wife and trying to restore her is Scriptural.
Thanks
RC
_____________________________
Just a country Preacher's humble opinion
Read the first chapter of my latest book here;
http://www.deliveranceofsara.com
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RE: my best friend's wife is unfaithful, how should a C... - 11/8/2008 2:47:27 PM
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terryjohn
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What we think and know are usually two different things. Suspicions are not facts. In the absence of facts deal with the reality that you may not all be Christians. If one is being unfaithful God and in time He Himself will make that clear to all. Personally, I would say, what is that to you?, for you must follow Chirst! I think of the woman at the well and the woman caught accused of adultery when they met Christ. He did not condemn them but He also did not deny what they had and were doing. In the end, even if a person where faithful to a spouse but did not have faith in Christ they would still be lost. Hence, if you need to talk to this woman, talk to her not about her sins for without faith they are many, but about saving faith and the love of God
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RE: my best friend's wife is unfaithful, how should a C... - 11/8/2008 3:12:18 PM
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cantckaja
Posts: 16
Joined: 7/2/2005
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quote:
ORIGINAL: terryjohn
What we think and know are usually two different things. Suspicions are not facts. In the absence of facts deal with the reality that you may not all be Christians. If one is being unfaithful God and in time He Himself will make that clear to all. Personally, I would say, what is that to you?, for you must follow Chirst! I think of the woman at the well and the woman caught accused of adultery when they met Christ. He did not condemn them but He also did not deny what they had and were doing. In the end, even if a person where faithful to a spouse but did not have faith in Christ they would still be lost. Hence, if you need to talk to this woman, talk to her not about her sins for without faith they are many, but about saving faith and the love of God
i agree. the main problem with the woman is her erroding spirituality. myself and her husband are greatly increasing in our faith and are relying on God alot more, and she is growing more and more immature. that is what needs to be fixed, and then its up to whatever God compells her to do. as far as people speculating as to how i "know" - several friends from both parties (the wife and the third man) have confirmed this but more importantly i have seen several text messages to a mutual friend where the wife talks in detail about it.
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RE: my best friend's wife is unfaithful, how should a C... - 11/8/2008 3:35:14 PM
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misty35
Posts: 614
Joined: 9/22/2008
From: Arkansas
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quote:
ORIGINAL: cantckaja
quote:
ORIGINAL: terryjohn
What we think and know are usually two different things. Suspicions are not facts. In the absence of facts deal with the reality that you may not all be Christians. If one is being unfaithful God and in time He Himself will make that clear to all. Personally, I would say, what is that to you?, for you must follow Chirst! I think of the woman at the well and the woman caught accused of adultery when they met Christ. He did not condemn them but He also did not deny what they had and were doing. In the end, even if a person where faithful to a spouse but did not have faith in Christ they would still be lost. Hence, if you need to talk to this woman, talk to her not about her sins for without faith they are many, but about saving faith and the love of God
i agree. the main problem with the woman is her erroding spirituality. myself and her husband are greatly increasing in our faith and are relying on God alot more, and she is growing more and more immature. that is what needs to be fixed, and then its up to whatever God compells her to do. as far as people speculating as to how i "know" - several friends from both parties (the wife and the third man) have confirmed this but more importantly i have seen several text messages to a mutual friend where the wife talks in detail about it.
I must admit, its a very difficult situation, and Im sure its not easy for you. Have you decided how you are going to handle this?
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"For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind." 2 Timothy 1:7
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