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tell me what to say - 11/5/2009 4:59:45 AM
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quietsoul
Posts: 7
Joined: 7/7/2009
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I got this friend who i like hes more then just a friend hes been rli good to me.
we both accept each other as we are but recently he told me about some stuff that does make a difference to me. Say if someone told you they was disabled and you suddenly thought geez i cant deal with that but you already like them alot and was to scared to say because it sounds rank if you did admit that. Well its like that.
Plus even though he accepts me for who i am and what i am i been keeping some stuff from him too the fact that im still sleepin with other people which i know he wouldnt like. Its one thing accepting a person as they are if there a friend but when it gets to just more then friends then it does matter.
Im not christan so dont tell me to go pray about it.
i need to know how to say this stuff to him without it making me feel like ima slimeball bacause i dont want to be mean to him i rli like him.
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RE: tell me what to say - 11/5/2009 5:54:21 AM
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herestoresmysoul
Posts: 1453
Joined: 3/13/2009
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HI Britpop
Are you British then? I am.
Are you actually in a relationship with this guy? If you are then of course he will be deeply hurt that you are being unfaithful.Who wouldn't.
You say that you arent a christian yet you came to a christian site asking questions so you will get answers from Christians from a Christisn perspective. I am not going to suggest that you pray but I am going to say that you need God. Your life seems messed up and living the way you do will never make you happy or at peace.Sleeping around and betraying your good freind will only bring unhappiness. heartache and maybe a sexualy transmitted disease. Dont you want more for your life?
There is nothing that you can say to this guy that will make him feel better unless you continue to lie. Lying is always a very bad idea, and no friendship can survive with lying and betrayal.If you really like him then stop sleeping around and find a good lively and welcoming church and both go alone.Jesus is really the only one who can give you that true peace and contentment that you want.
God Bless
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RE: tell me what to say - 11/5/2009 10:00:52 AM
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quietsoul
Posts: 7
Joined: 7/7/2009
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Yea sorry i changed my name on you.
I didnt really come here i been here a bit in the chat for maybe 5 months and two weeks. I am british yea nice to meet u. i just decided to post because i never have and i got to find something to say soon to him.
I know i need god but i cant get my head around all that stuff let alone if i think hes real or not. were not in a relationship no but he likes me alot and i do him. Ive never wanted more for my life no only happy with who i am but the thing is i never thought my life could be any diferent. thanks for your answer i didnt think id get any lolOloL i think i just got to be straight with him im not lieing bcause if he ask me i would say so but i just dont talk about stuff i do so i leave it out. but you helped me deside because if i talk about my side and what i been doin then it saves me having to talk about the stuff hes doing that does my head in.
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RE: tell me what to say - 11/5/2009 10:14:11 AM
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deermousie
Posts: 2209
Joined: 9/26/2007
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Welcome to the forum, FlandersPoppy. I'm glad you're here. 
You may be surprised to hear us Christians saying that sleeping with this guy is a bad idea, but it's because God invented sex for married people and He says to have sex outside of marriage is to sin against Him. Sin is an archery term that just means to miss the bull's eye, and there are things that miss the bull's eye morally. The universe runs on moral train tracks and He doesn't want you to get hurt but to have the best. God even became a man and died to pay for all that sin so we could be friends with God again. It's like a lost kid who goes home to open arms.
If it's not politically correct to say this guy's disability bothers you then you have to be non-politically correct or you lie to him (which isn't a good idea). But there's no law that says you have to be politically correct; it's just bullying. If you don't want to be friends or don't want to sleep with him, then you don't. It's OK to tell him you don't feel right about sleeping with him. You don't have to tell him why.
Nah, I'm not going to tell you to go pray about it; God has already said to not sleep around or you get hurt (as in, don't jump off a building or you get hurt). But it's only the people who turn to God and say, "Thanks for paying for my sin when you died on the cross; I want to stop doing that and be friends with you, God" that have a reason to not sleep around. Instead, we are learning a life that doesn't hurt us but actually fulfills us, because God made us to be friends with Him and live in His ways. They are good, they are blessings. We have joy and purpose.
I'd be happy to pray for you today. Let me know how things go, okay?
_____________________________
"Through Gates of Splendor" by Elizabeth Elliot
"Federal Husband" by Doug Wilson
www.biblegateway.com for online concordance (I use it daily)
"Passion and Purity" by Elizabeth Elliot
And I think chickens are really funny
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RE: tell me what to say - 11/5/2009 11:26:06 AM
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agapetos
Posts: 9740
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: This side of the lil duck pond!
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quote:
Say if someone told you they was disabled and you suddenly thought geez i cant deal with that but you already like them alot and was to scared to say because it sounds rank if you did admit that. What is it that you can't deal with? He's exactly the same person that he was before he told you what he did. Have you considered talking to him about whatever the problem is, telling you're having a hard time dealing with it? Sometimes talking and being honest about how you feel will help clarify the issue.
Yes, even taking care, may cause him pain, but avoiding him and/or not being honest with him is also going to cause him pain.
quote:
Plus even though he accepts me for who i am and what i am i been keeping some stuff from him too the fact that im still sleepin with other people which i know he wouldnt like. Its one thing accepting a person as they are if there a friend but when it gets to just more then friends then it does matter. As a Christian, I can only echo what deermouse has said, that sex outside of marriage is a bad idea.
_____________________________
Stovie, Stovie, what am I going to do with you!
Maggie
September 09
My blog
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RE: tell me what to say - 11/5/2009 12:02:23 PM
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madlyrics
Posts: 17
Joined: 10/29/2009
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Welcome I have to agree with everyone else if you come to a christian sight you will get God given advice. I really liked what herestoresmysoul says. We all need God in order to be happy and at peace and sleeping around will end in nothing but trouble you may not like what we say but sometimes the truth will hurt but it will set you free. My prayers are with you and I hope you see how good God is. Being honest with a person just shows the great qualities in yourself because you would want others to be honest with you.
_____________________________
Loving and living for Jesus one day at a time
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RE: tell me what to say - 11/5/2009 2:37:42 PM
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quietsoul
Posts: 7
Joined: 7/7/2009
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I know you think the sex thing is a bad idea an i probably shouldnt of mensioned that at all but the other thing about me talking to him about the way i feel about stuff. maybe i should just feel like a skank for having to admit how i feel i spose.
i will talk to him tonight.
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RE: tell me what to say - 11/5/2009 7:58:36 PM
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agapetos
Posts: 9740
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: This side of the lil duck pond!
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quote:
i know i couldnt love god i dont feel it it just aint there in me and i cant make it be there. Have you ever tried? It's very difficult to love someone that you've never known. Love comes through learning about someone. That includes God too.
Did you talk with your friend tonight?
_____________________________
Stovie, Stovie, what am I going to do with you!
Maggie
September 09
My blog
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RE: tell me what to say - 11/5/2009 9:42:52 PM
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deermousie
Posts: 2209
Joined: 9/26/2007
Status: online
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quote:
ORIGINAL: FlandersPoppy
yea i know im not perfect geez thas easy to know. i dont pretend to be anything diffrent. plus i know that even if i did believe in god or believe that he was real then i know i wouldtn live like you all do because i just dont care enough. like i know i couldnt love god i dont feel it it just aint there in me and i cant make it be there.
Wow, FlandersPoppy - you have no idea how hard it is for people to come to these realizations as you have: 1) we're imperfect and don't come up to God's standards of morals and 2) we're helpless to do anything about it. You are absolutely right; there is no hope starting from us.
The reason for that is that people are born spiritually dead (thank you, Adam and Eve. Not) and we can't communicate with God and can't love God and don't want to love God. God can make us alive (He never says how He does this) to realize that we're a mess and lost and He tells us He paid the bill for us so we don't have to pay it oursleves. At that point we realize we can go to God and He'll accept us, because our sin was nailed to the cross and nothing stands in the way of being friends with God anymore. Wow! And He gives us the ability to believe Him and to want to go to Him, and He gives us the power to live more and more like Him. That's why you see people's lives change.
quote:
yea u2 are proper nice i got there latest album no line on the horizon. i like muse and kasabian better though and radiohead.
Yeah, my kid went to one of their concerts last month and loved it. She was 15 feet from the stage. She'd know the groups you mention; I'm afraid I'm pretty out of it unless my kid plays their music for me. But I'm learning.
_____________________________
"Through Gates of Splendor" by Elizabeth Elliot
"Federal Husband" by Doug Wilson
www.biblegateway.com for online concordance (I use it daily)
"Passion and Purity" by Elizabeth Elliot
And I think chickens are really funny
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RE: tell me what to say - 11/6/2009 9:48:49 AM
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quietsoul
Posts: 7
Joined: 7/7/2009
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: agapetos
quote:
i know i couldnt love god i dont feel it it just aint there in me and i cant make it be there. Have you ever tried? It's very difficult to love someone that you've never known. Love comes through learning about someone. That includes God too.
Did you talk with your friend tonight?
kind of we talked a bit about how things arerli nto how we want them to be and i said a little bit about stuff.
its just hard tho uh to come out with things when u like someone
yea i tried with god its just a word to me. my freind reads me pslams on the phone when im dropping off to sleep sometimes and hes a christan i met him here in the chat room there rli intresting the pslams but its like a story book thats how i think of it.
i grew up in care an dont get atached to ppl or my stuff bcause everthing changes so quick BAM an its gone so god what spirit in heaven somewhere no hes in yr heart nope hes on the chair next to the other big god on the right hand side. see what i mean where is he???
i pick up enoug in the chat room to know it dont make sense.
thanx for answering my q tho. poppy
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RE: tell me what to say - 11/6/2009 9:56:11 AM
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quietsoul
Posts: 7
Joined: 7/7/2009
Status: offline
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[The reason for that is that people are born spiritually dead (thank you, Adam and Eve. Not) and we can't communicate with God and can't love God and don't want to love God. God can make us alive (He never says how He does this) to realize that we're a mess and lost and He tells us He paid the bill for us so we don't have to pay it oursleves. At that point we realize we can go to God and He'll accept us, because our sin was nailed to the cross and nothing stands in the way of being friends with God anymore. Wow! And He gives us the ability to believe Him and to want to go to Him, and He gives us the power to live more and more like Him. That's why you see people's lives change. ]
spiritual dead yea bcause god has blinded the eyes also god chooses some and not others if he knows whos at the end of the whole storey bcause hes god and he knows it all then that makes sense.
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RE: tell me what to say - 11/6/2009 10:01:59 AM
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mosess8
Posts: 66
Joined: 11/6/2009
Status: offline
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If you consider the two of you to be "more than friends", then tell him th etryth. He deserves that much. If you do not feel bad about having other intimte relationships why should you feel bad about admitting it.
Fact is, you know that you are misleading him. You just dont want to feel like you are. You said that he accepts you but my question to you is whether you accept yourself. He accepts you for the person that he thinks you are. So, actually he doesnt accept you because you havent been who you are with him.
Be who you are. And if you dont like who you are, then change. Whether you feel bad about hurtingsomeone or not is not the main issue. It's whther you hurt someone or not that matters. It really maters.
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RE: tell me what to say - 11/6/2009 7:47:52 PM
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deermousie
Posts: 2209
Joined: 9/26/2007
Status: online
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quote:
ORIGINAL: FlandersPoppy
spiritual dead yea bcause god has blinded the eyes also god chooses some and not others if he knows whos at the end of the whole storey bcause hes god and he knows it all then that makes sense.
Yes, that is correct - the prophet Isaiah said so and the Apostle John quoted that under the leading of God the Holy Spirit (Isaiah 6:10 and John 12:40 if you want to look it up for yourself).
“ He has blinded their eyes and hardened their hearts, Lest they should see with their eyes,Lest they should understand with their hearts and turn,So that I should heal them.”
It sounds to me like you may be in the other group; the group that start to see and soften their heart and begin to understand and turn - and get healed.
He does know how it all ends, which blows our minds because we don't know. But He is God and King of the Universe, and somehow will make it all turn out exactly the way He wants it to. What He wants is people who will turn to Him with empty hands and ask for help. He will give to them more than they ever expected.
_____________________________
"Through Gates of Splendor" by Elizabeth Elliot
"Federal Husband" by Doug Wilson
www.biblegateway.com for online concordance (I use it daily)
"Passion and Purity" by Elizabeth Elliot
And I think chickens are really funny
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