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Online Dating - 10/21/2009 3:53:43 PM
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edlove50
Posts: 47
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline
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Just wanted to throw out this post as a matter of curiosity about how people feel about online dating. I personally would not get involved in online dating. It's expensive. There is too much opportunity for other person to lie to make themselves look good. The time it takes to meet someone and go out on a date is too long. In short, the negatives outweigh the positives for me. But I do know people who met online and are very happy and have been married for as long as online dating has been around. I also know someone who picked up his date and while taking her home, she pulled out a gun, shot him in the arm and took his wallett. What are your feelings?
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RE: Online Dating - 10/21/2009 6:19:13 PM
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herestoresmysoul
Posts: 1453
Joined: 3/13/2009
Status: online
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I met my husband of 4 years online and my son met his lovely girlfriend (who he will marry)on line.So from me a big thumbs up. Also why do you have to have a long period between first contact and meeting? I met my husband only 4 days after our first contact and my son met his girlfriend only 3 or 4 weeks after their first contact and that would have been sooner except they live a fair distance apart.
Be sensible and take the usual safety precautions and always use a christian dating site. Be aware of scammers and those who are only there for the worng reasons, and enjoy it.
I think for Christians it is a brilliant idea as many of us dont meet Christisns of the opposite sex who are available and round about our age otherwise. I wouldnt be married to the most wonderful guy ever if I hadnt taken the plunge.
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RE: Online Dating - 10/22/2009 10:00:18 AM
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edlove50
Posts: 47
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline
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herestoresmysoul, I had heard from several people that it takes a while to get a response in the first place. I would expect once there is first contact that a time to meet would be set up fairly quickly because, afterall, your excited and want to meet that person. I am glad things worked out for you and your husband and your son. Good advice on taking precautions. As said before, online dating would not be for me. I met my wife through church singles group and that would be how I would want it today. Anyway, God bless you and your family and thanks for the response.
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RE: Online Dating - 10/22/2009 10:14:42 AM
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herestoresmysoul
Posts: 1453
Joined: 3/13/2009
Status: online
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edlove. yes I had been on 2 different sites for 2 years before my husband joined so it can take time, but he had only just joined when I contacted him.
At the age I was then, which was 47, there werent (and still arent )any available Chrisitian guys around, (or none that I had ever met), so for me it was that or nothing. if you are younger and know many other singles then the situation is different. My son had only just come back to God at 29, so he didnt have any Christian friends, so for him also it was a really good thing to do. Most Christians of his age were married at his church.
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RE: Online Dating - 10/22/2009 10:39:40 AM
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Simway
Posts: 175
Joined: 4/12/2005
Status: offline
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A friend of ours husband died, she on line sometime after his death, met a man, and married him. It worked out great. A couple years ago he developed cancer, and died , so she went back on line, and met other man, she married him, and he turned out to be a real bum. She is now divorced and I think finished with on line dating and relationships.
Simway
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RE: Online Dating - 10/22/2009 11:37:00 AM
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Elena1030
Posts: 2104
Joined: 6/21/2006
From: Music City, USA
Status: offline
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I joined eHarmony back in 2005 for about 3 months. (They had a special price deal.) That was back before the company was sold -- Dr. Warren was still "in charge." Mostly the members were Christians of some level, but some non-Christians were beginning to use it. And back then, online dating still carried a bit of a stigma, so the pool of people to be matched with wasn't as big as it is now.
I never did get a slew of matches. And that was and is OK.
I got to the full open communication stage with one guy who lived an hour's drive from me. We talked on the phone a few times. But... I just never clicked with him to the point that I would be willing to drive even 1/2 way to meet him. We did have quite a few things in common, but the things we differed on, really bothered me... we were too different in those areas.
So... I let my membership lapse. And I haven't and won't renew.
I wouldn't mind using online tools to get to know and eventually meet people. I even did that with this forum -- met someone in person who I had romantic interest in. We both decided we didn't have chemistry offline, but we still have cordiality when we do come across each other. It was a pretty good experience overall.
I'd join an online dating site again if the price wasn't steep and if it was for evangelical Christians only. (And... I did express interest in a new site that is being developed as we speak.)
_____________________________
Prayer thread for singles who desire to marry someday
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RE: Online Dating - 10/22/2009 6:55:13 PM
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Hipmama
Posts: 10
Joined: 10/6/2009
Status: offline
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Oh boy if ever there was a question I was qualified to answer!  I've been doing the online dating thing since 1998 (before people could send each other their pictures!) and I can honestly say that as long as you use standard precautions (meet in a public place, etc) the outcome of the relationships I've had with men I've met online has really been no different than if I'd met them the old fashioned way. That said, it's HARD to find a real Christian man on the standard websites (Match, craigslist, etc) I've tried Christian dating websites and there were so few people there I'm pretty sure I heard an echo..echo...echo...
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RE: Online Dating - 10/22/2009 8:15:59 PM
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jhuperetes
Posts: 472
Status: offline
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Hipmama, so you think online dating is a waste of money for Christians?
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RE: Online Dating - 10/23/2009 12:09:13 AM
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herestoresmysoul
Posts: 1453
Joined: 3/13/2009
Status: online
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Hipmama
Oh boy if ever there was a question I was qualified to answer! I've been doing the online dating thing since 1998 (before people could send each other their pictures!) and I can honestly say that as long as you use standard precautions (meet in a public place, etc) the outcome of the relationships I've had with men I've met online has really been no different than if I'd met them the old fashioned way. That said, it's HARD to find a real Christian man on the standard websites (Match, craigslist, etc) I've tried Christian dating websites and there were so few people there I'm pretty sure I heard an echo..echo...echo...
WEll I am in the UK so we have different sites here. One or two really good ones just for the uk. I did try an international one but there was far too many scammers and also I loved England too much to want to go and live else where. Strangley enough though my husband is actualy Australian but had lived here for 19 years when we met and he doesnt ever want to go back.
As for the waste of money bit, for me it was worth every penny as I met the man of my dreams, but as well as that I made other friends and they also had a really good forum which I missed a lot after I had met my man.
I guess if you meet someone it isnt a waste of money but if you dont them you may well condsider it was.
MY son, had 30 contacts withn a very short time of joining at the age of 29. The lovely girl he met was the first to have sent him a message and while she definately wasnt the nearest, (In fact she lives quite a distance away,) he said he just KNEW she was the one who God wanted him to see and get to know,(and this was despite him being a very new Christian) so we need to be open to Gods leading .He never either contcated or saw any other girl and she is perfect for him in every way and they adore each other.
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RE: Online Dating - 10/23/2009 6:32:32 PM
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Hipmama
Posts: 10
Joined: 10/6/2009
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: jhuperetes
Hipmama, so you think online dating is a waste of money for Christians?
No I wouldn't say that -I'd just say that it takes more time. To me, meeting people online for dating is kinda like shopping at Marshalls - it's mostly junk but if you REALLY look hard, there are some gems out there!
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RE: Online Dating - 10/23/2009 7:05:11 PM
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mahad
Posts: 103
Joined: 8/17/2006
Status: offline
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i met someone in person who lives more than an hour away, and we are getting to know each other online. i would not say we are dating, only that we are in a budding friendship. i prefer phone calls, but so far the percentage of chatting vs phone calls is about 70/30, 95% of all our chatting/conversations are initiated by him. we will be seeing each other again in a few weeks, as his parents live near me and the holidays are just about upon us. i'm thinking it may be pretty awkward since we met at a convention, during which we talked face to face for almost a week, but since then, all our contact has been online and on the phone. chemistry was there in the beginning, i'm hoping it still will be, but i get butterflies just thinking about it.
_____________________________
Come and hear, all ye that fear God, and I will declare what he hath done for my soul. Psalm 66:16
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RE: Online Dating - 10/24/2009 8:13:55 PM
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teacher1982
Posts: 190
Joined: 10/11/2009
Status: offline
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Hate to admit this, but I have been on eHarmony, Match.com, SingleC.com and a couple of others that I can't think of right now for two years and haven't met one nice man. I have "talked" to several through email, on the phone, and have met five men in person. They all claimed to be Christians, but soon got around to discussing topics and making suggestions, or asking me my feelings about things that proved to me that they didn't live a Christian life.
At first I was naive' enough to think that if I told a man that I lived a Christian life, I didn't have to explain what that meant. But after my experience of the last two years, I find that I was wrong. I DO have to explain what it means - I abstain. Period.
Maybe I'm just too strict or expect too much. But as soon as I give my views of sex outside of marriage (in answer to their direct or indirect questions) I never hear from then again.
That's fine. I want a REAL Christian man or none. Looks like it's gonna be none.
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RE: Online Dating - 10/25/2009 11:09:36 PM
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teacher1982
Posts: 190
Joined: 10/11/2009
Status: offline
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I'd like to know why men describe themselves as "fit, trim and athletic" when their pictures shows a heavy guy with a "beer belly"?? And they only want a slender female 10-15 years younger than they are. Don't these men realize that they can not possibly keep up with, much less satisfy, a woman that much young than they are in their older years? I mean, when I'm 65, I sure don't want to be married to a 80-year-old man. I'd rather have a man five years young than I am so that we will live together longer (according to statistics).
I also shy away from a man who is 60 and never been married. That's a huge red flag to me. My questions is Why?? What's wrong with him?
I guess we all could tell of some real horror stories from our dating experiences! Many liars out there for sure!
I have decided that if God wants me to have another man in my life, he will knock on my door! And don't say that's impossible because I know a woman who met her husband just that way after she had some pretty bad dating experiences and turned it all over to the Lord. He moved into a new house across the street, noticed her for weeks going to her mailbox and came over one day and introduced himself. 14 months later they were married. He said that he noticed that she went to church faithfully every Sunday and carried her Bible back and forth from her car. So it can happen.
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RE: Online Dating - 10/25/2009 11:12:41 PM
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trinigirl722
Posts: 566
Joined: 4/8/2007
From: Dallas, TX
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: teacher1982
Maybe I'm just too strict or expect too much. But as soon as I give my views of sex outside of marriage (in answer to their direct or indirect questions) I never hear from then again.
That's fine. I want a REAL Christian man or none. Looks like it's gonna be none.
I don't think you're too strict or expecting too much, Teacher1982. Unfortunately, people have many different ideas of what "Christian" means as far as lifestyle. It's just important to be very, very cautious. Some men claim to be Christian but are really Christian only in heritage, i.e. that's the religion their family claims. Others may have actually accepted Christ but may not be very far along in the sanctification process. The good guys are out there, but one must proceed with caution while looking for them.
quote:
ORIGINAL: jhuperetes
Maybe one of you can create a thread - what to, not to put in a profile, and the biggest exaggeration or annoying requests. Make it into an online profile golden nugget thread thingy... 
Great idea, Jhuperetes!
I think E-Harmony has a great system, and IMO only sites that match people based on personality traits and values are really worth the trouble. Other sites require a lot more time and caution/discernment. I met one man through another Christian site where you can look at everyone's profile and contact whomever you want. He seemed great on the surface, but it ended up his profile was grossly exaggerated and even deceptive (said he worked when he didn't). Sadly, he was a born-again, evangelical Christian. However, he seemed to have some pretty serious emotional issues and became furious when I indicated I wasn't interested in meeting again. A site like E-Harmony would have probably screened out an unstable person like that, and if he did manage to get in he probably wouldn't have been matched to me.
_____________________________
Save the earth! It's the only planet known to have chocolate.
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RE: Online Dating - 10/25/2009 11:42:28 PM
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jhuperetes
Posts: 472
Status: offline
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quote:
So it can happen.
I believe it can.
quote:
A site like E-Harmony would have probably screened out an unstable person like that, and if he did manage to get in he probably wouldn't have been matched to me.
You think eHarmony can do a psychological profile test on members?
p.s.: I created the thread for personals profile guffaws.
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RE: Online Dating - 10/25/2009 11:56:22 PM
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RichLP
Posts: 1142
Joined: 5/4/2005
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: edlove50
Just wanted to throw out this post as a matter of curiosity about how people feel about online dating. I personally would not get involved in online dating. It's expensive. There is too much opportunity for other person to lie to make themselves look good. The time it takes to meet someone and go out on a date is too long. In short, the negatives outweigh the positives for me. But I do know people who met online and are very happy and have been married for as long as online dating has been around. I also know someone who picked up his date and while taking her home, she pulled out a gun, shot him in the arm and took his wallett. What are your feelings?
Caution is necessary. Internet dating is just another change in the social interactions of our time brought out by, well, the Internet. Even today people make friends and boyfriends/girlfriends from chat rooms (yes, it happens); it's only logical that since caution and common sense were needed when meeting a stranger from a chat room (which I have done and fortunately I was never shot at, but I was terribly lied to in terms of a woman's appearance, to my horror), caution is also needed even if you’ve seen their photos and read their profiles.
I agree with you that there is way too much leeway for people to play with the truth. “Adventure-oriented optimist who loves boating”… someone who went boating as a child and had fun, who is way too laid back to worry, and whose idea of adventure is trying food from a country he’s never heard of.
I mean come on. And the dishonesty can stretch in many ways. Men who post photographs of themselves from the 20th Century or, perhaps 2001 or 2002, when they 1) actually had hair; 2) were 3 or 4 pant sizes thinner; and 3) actually looked like they had ever been inside a gym. Or women who photoshop their photographs, or post photos of their faces from awkward videocam angles to make them look cuter.
But, the dishonesty isn’t limited to looks. The first woman I ever me from EH professed Christ. Upon knowing her in person, yes, she was a born-again believer. But she was not doing well in her walk. She had wanted somebody committed to faith and to church life; yet, she was so lukewarm in her walk that when I merely asked her on Sunday evening dates if she’d gone to church, she’d get offended, and one time she “snapped” and asked me if I was one of those judgmental Christians who frown upon those who miss church. I was surprised, and said, “uh… No. It’s Sunday. We’re Christians. That’s what we do on Sundays.” She was relieved… and this was only the tip of the iceberg. Though a believer, she was arrogant, spoiled, selfish, and proud. I did not see the love or the life of Christ in her. I know it’s a harsh indictment – but it’s an honest one.
In the end, we should look at Internet dating as an ALTERNATIVE. It’s an option, a vehicle. For some, it has worked, and beautifully so; I believe the Lord can use EH or Match or whatever to link two believers together. I’ve known of people who pushed single friends to join EH because they had a SLEW of friends who married via EH and they were doing well. Again, however, Internet dating is not for everyone. It requires patience and the ability to stomach the occasional liar.
In the end, we all have to be very careful and very choosy. If I had to recommend one I’d recommend EH because you need to fill out a personality profile and while flawed and limited, the must haves/can’t stands/questions/etc do give you a glimpse – small, yes, but a glimpse – into the other person’s personality. And if you tweak it to receive only Christian matches, you can see on the person’s profile how much, if at all, they speak of their faith in Christ. I met 3 women from EH in the past 3 weeks and all spoke of Christ, and I noticed right away all were nice and lovely people – and they all spoke gushingly about how big a role faith in Christ plays in their lives. I’m only still talking to the 3rd date – but you see my point.
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RE: Online Dating - 10/26/2009 12:57:40 AM
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trinigirl722
Posts: 566
Joined: 4/8/2007
From: Dallas, TX
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: jhuperetes
quote:
So it can happen.
I believe it can.
quote:
A site like E-Harmony would have probably screened out an unstable person like that, and if he did manage to get in he probably wouldn't have been matched to me.
You think eHarmony can do a psychological profile test on members?
p.s.: I created the thread for personals profile guffaws.
EH has a section of questions that seems like it's designed to test for emotional problems. It's pretty easy to see that the questions measure for depression, paranoia, anger management issues, etc.
_____________________________
Save the earth! It's the only planet known to have chocolate.
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RE: Online Dating - 10/26/2009 3:45:32 PM
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edlove50
Posts: 47
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline
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Hello RichLP - I really liked the first thing you said - "Caution is necessary." That is so true and not only in the online dating world but anywhere. Thanks.
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RE: Online Dating - 10/27/2009 10:28:57 PM
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WhiteRoseBlessings
Posts: 18174
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Here . . . but subject to change; stay tuned
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: edlove50
Just wanted to throw out this post as a matter of curiosity about how people feel about online dating. I personally would not get involved in online dating.
What are your feelings? I wouldn't mind being in a long-distance relationship after the relationship had begun and was somewhat solid. It would be hard, but I would be willing to do it for the right person.
However, I'm not that wild on starting a relationship via long-distance.
My preference is to form a relationship in person, from the beginning.
_____________________________
❖ Let's Discuss the Advent Season ❖
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RE: Online Dating - 10/28/2009 7:45:24 AM
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herestoresmysoul
Posts: 1453
Joined: 3/13/2009
Status: online
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quote:
ORIGINAL: WhiteRoseBlessings
quote:
ORIGINAL: edlove50
Just wanted to throw out this post as a matter of curiosity about how people feel about online dating. I personally would not get involved in online dating.
What are your feelings? I wouldn't mind being in a long-distance relationship after the relationship had begun and was somewhat solid. It would be hard, but I would be willing to do it for the right person.
However, I'm not that wild on starting a relationship via long-distance.
My preference is to form a relationship in person, from the beginning.
yes you can do that though. I met my husband only 5 days after first contact. However I would never have met him if we hadnt met online.
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