RE: Do you welcome or are you put off by married peoples advice?
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RE: Do you welcome or are you put off by married people... - 10/27/2009 3:45:33 PM
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Elena1030
Posts: 2104
Joined: 6/21/2006
From: Music City, USA
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quote:
ORIGINAL: jhuperetes
Hmmm... I think the situation with IYHBTWIBTYCEWMOGMAA is a rapier...
There is a certain foolishness I sometimes have where I presumptuously think I understand what is going on with someone's life.
I blurt out my oh-so-sensible-matter-of-fact solution (OSSMOFS to keep with the theme). Why couldn't they think of it?
Later, I find out that they could not for a very legit reason, or that they did, and it failed miserably, or they have seen very bad results really close to them... Serious egg on my face. I do like eggs, just not on my face.
I think advisers need to be sensitive to understand there are many many factors they are not aware of. If their advice is rejected find out why, and do not personalize it.
The advisees need to accept comments graciously, recognizing that there is no way advisers are privy to all the details. Rejecting an advice based on the adviser instead of the advice is foolish.
Ultimately, it is the advisees responsibility to provide sufficient amount of background to any situation to help the advisers to construct a sensible solution.
If the advice was off target, provide more details.
Caveat - there are some really crazy advice out there nevertheless.
Excellent dovetailing with Don's comments! Very wise and practical. (And equally humorous. Am so glad that you gentlemen are participating in the threads more and more!!  )
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Prayer thread for singles who desire to marry someday
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RE: Do you welcome or are you put off by married people... - 10/27/2009 11:12:06 PM
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WhiteRoseBlessings
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Cool thread, TruthRevealed.
quote:
Do you welcome or are you put off by married peoples advice? I'm put-off by advice about anything, by anyone (married or single) when such advice is unsolicited and presented to me in a manner of "I'm right and you must listen to this".
Just because someone has an opinion on something does not mean they need to turn it into advice for someone else.
Personally, I am extremely picky regarding from whom I seek advice; regardless of the topic. The parameters are:
(1) I need to know the person well enough to know how they live their life and to be able to personally trust them on a emotional, mental and spiritual level.
(2) The person needs to know me equally as well.
(3) The advice needs to be applicable to my life.
There are general types of suggestions that someone can give a person.
But, for the most, people are not one-size-fits all; and that really needs to be taken into consideration.
Also, when someone wants to give me unsolicited advice, I usually wonder what their motive is. Sometimes people just want to be nosy and giving advice is one way to accomplish that.
I have more to say . . . imagine that  . . . but it's getting late, I'm yawning, I have to get up early and my bed is calling me.
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RE: Do you welcome or are you put off by married people... - 10/28/2009 9:17:12 AM
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Tinkerbell_
Posts: 8035
Joined: 1/25/2008
From: NeverNeverLand
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quote:
ORIGINAL: jhuperetes
You are wrong, and let me tell you how to say that correctly...
... 
...
I guess I now just wait till they are done, say thank you and walk away.
The other day someone lay into me about how I am such a horrible person because I am divorced, and damaging my children, etc. You know "you scum, me sweet plum" speech.
I grinned, bobbed my head, thanked them then walked away. It was a learning moment for my children. They thought I was going to rip their head off, and were surprised I was quiet. We would have gained nothing. My kids asked me not to grin  in church again, as it scares the little ones... That day I doubled my workout length.
BWAH!!! That is too funny! And so sounds like something my Things would say.
Thing 2 was listening to something similiar and noticed my right eyebrow kept getting higher and higher and higher...he slowly moved away and later Thing 1 told me he told him, "Mum is about to blow! RUN!!!"
*sigh*
Gotta love those little snotheads. 
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When I've shown you that I just don't care
When I'm throwing punches in the air
When I'm broken down and I can't stand
Will you be strong enough to be my man?
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RE: Do you welcome or are you put off by married people... - 10/28/2009 9:50:01 AM
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Grace-N-Mercy
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Tinkerbell_
quote:
ORIGINAL: jhuperetes
You are wrong, and let me tell you how to say that correctly...
...
...
I guess I now just wait till they are done, say thank you and walk away.
The other day someone lay into me about how I am such a horrible person because I am divorced, and damaging my children, etc. You know "you scum, me sweet plum" speech.
I grinned, bobbed my head, thanked them then walked away. It was a learning moment for my children. They thought I was going to rip their head off, and were surprised I was quiet. We would have gained nothing. My kids asked me not to grin in church again, as it scares the little ones... That day I doubled my workout length.
BWAH!!! That is too funny! And so sounds like something my Things would say.
Thing 2 was listening to something similiar and noticed my right eyebrow kept getting higher and higher and higher...he slowly moved away and later Thing 1 told me he told him, "Mum is about to blow! RUN!!!"
*sigh*
Gotta love those little snotheads.
hehe! You two have great kids... what ever happened to those little cherubic beings with their sweet little faces that idolized everything their parents said/did??
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RE: Do you welcome or are you put off by married people... - 10/28/2009 9:51:51 AM
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Tinkerbell_
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Mine learned to talk...I don't know about his. 
_____________________________
When I've shown you that I just don't care
When I'm throwing punches in the air
When I'm broken down and I can't stand
Will you be strong enough to be my man?
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RE: Do you welcome or are you put off by married people... - 10/28/2009 9:02:31 PM
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WhiteRoseBlessings
Posts: 18174
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quote:
ORIGINAL: jhuperetes
You are wrong, and let me tell you how to say that correctly...
...
Ppphhhbbbttt
quote:
ORIGINAL: jhuperetes
The other day someone lay into me about how I am such a horrible person because I am divorced, and damaging my children, etc. You know "you scum, me sweet plum" speech.
I grinned, bobbed my head, thanked them then walked away. It was a learning moment for my children. They thought I was going to rip their head off, and were surprised I was quiet. We would have gained nothing. My kids asked me not to grin in church again, as it scares the little ones... That day I doubled my workout length.
LOL! Good for you; getting all that irritation out of your system.
And my word, some people really need to learn to keep their mouths shut and to think before they speak. If they're Christians, praying before they speak should also be automatic.
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RE: Do you welcome or are you put off by married people... - 10/28/2009 9:11:08 PM
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WhiteRoseBlessings
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And speaking of praying . . .
All this unsolicited advice that people are giving???
Are they praying about it before passing it along to someone?
If it is of Our Lord, that is always Good.
If the advice is borne out of someone's "self", that's not an automatic indication that is should be shared.
In fact, it can actually appear to be quite stellar advice . . . but if Our Lord isn't in it, it's actually nothing.
Good advice given at the wrong time, or to the wrong person, or for the wrong reason . . . is no longer good; it has, in fact, become meddling . . . which translates to the advice-giver being a busy-body.
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❖ Let's Discuss the Advent Season ❖
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RE: Do you welcome or are you put off by married people... - 10/29/2009 12:36:31 AM
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trinigirl722
Posts: 566
Joined: 4/8/2007
From: Dallas, TX
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quote:
ORIGINAL: WhiteRoseBlessings
And speaking of praying . . .
All this unsolicited advice that people are giving???
Are they praying about it before passing it along to someone?
If it is of Our Lord, that is always Good.
Excellent point, WhiteRoseBlessings!
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RE: Do you welcome or are you put off by married people... - 11/1/2009 10:34:09 PM
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ebony101
Posts: 918
Joined: 4/1/2007
From: the big blue marble
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quote:
ORIGINAL: truthrevealed
Some singles feel that married people(especially those who've been married a while) have no clue what it's like to be single and/or dating in today's world-- amongst other things I've heard---and don't welcome advice on dating, courting, abstaining etc.
I don't welcome their advice when it pertains to my single life and their reference to married life. When they say things like: "Married life isn't easy." "Enjoy your time being single." etc. In my opinion, it's easy for them to say that because they're married already. Give me a break!!!
However the advice they give on dating, courting, etc. in my experience it's ok. But I know that not everyone likes the advice they give in that arena.
< Message edited by ebony101 -- 11/1/2009 10:43:51 PM >
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By the things that we do & the words that we say.'
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RE: Do you welcome or are you put off by married people... - 11/4/2009 3:19:54 PM
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trainfan
Posts: 2363
Joined: 7/26/2007
From: The land of confusion
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Elena1030
quote:
ORIGINAL: _Don_
quote:
ORIGINAL: A-Tech
quote:
ORIGINAL: teacher1982
If they haven't been in my shoes, I don't want to hear what they have to say. They have no clue what they are talking about. They have someone to go home with every night, someone to do things with, make plans with, go places with, talk with, and snuggle with. Therefore, unless they have been single and alone and lonely, they can no more give me advice, than I can instruct someone on how to fly an airplane or build a house or anything else that I have never done.
This.
This.
I'm replying to these posts but have seen similar ones in this thread...I'm not sure of the whole if-you-haven't-been-through-exactly-what-I've-been-through-you-can't-empathise-with-me-or-give-me-any-advice (IYHBTWIBTYCEWMOGMAA)* perspective. One doesn't have to intimately experience something in the same way in order to be able to empathise with or give advice to someone who has experienced it that way. The whole counselling industry would be different or non-existent if that was the case.
I'm not married and I don't have kids but I have seen good and bad marriages and good and bad parenting and have learned a lot about what makes a marriage or family good or bad. One day, hopefully sooner rather than close to when I'm dead, I will use that knowledge to help make a fantastic marriage and family even better. Many married people have the same IYHBTWIBTYCEWMOGMAA (if-you-haven't-been-through-what-I've-been-through-you-can't-empathise-with-me-or-give-me-any-advice) perspective so I generally refrain from giving advice unless specifically asked but it doesn't mean I'm blind, deaf, and dumb and can't see what their problem might be and give constructive advice on how to make the situation better.
To suggest that a married person who, presumably, was once single themselves, could not give advice on one's situation unless he or she had also at some time in their singleness (hopefully the same age) been not only alone but also specifically lonely seems absurd (are there many people who, at some point, haven't felt alone and lonely and don't empathise with that feeling?). We would have to start prefacing new posts in the forums with something like, "Please only give advice on my situation if you've been me." Okay, that's absurd but, it makes the point I think.
Oh, to answer the original question...I think advice is advice whether it comes from a married person or not. I prefer advice that has been well thought out and tailored to my situation. I don't exclude advice from people who haven't been me. 
Unfortunately, a lot of the advice relating to singleness that I've gotten from married people recently has been along the lines of, "You should meet this girl and she's single too so you'd be a great match." 
*You'll have noticed that it is conveniently pronouncable--just not in English.
Hear, hear!! This post deserves stars. *applauds*
I agree and took care of that!
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Disappoints are inevitable, discouragment is a choice.
Dr. Charles Stanley.
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RE: Do you welcome or are you put off by married people... - 11/17/2009 10:13:09 PM
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roscoeoz
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That depends on whether or not I ask for it, or they take it upon themselves to give it to me. Being married doesn't necessarily make you a fount of wisdom on matters relational.
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