Do you welcome or are you put off by married peoples advice?
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Do you welcome or are you put off by married peoples ad... - 10/2/2009 3:23:20 PM
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truthrevealed
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I've heard opinions on both sides. Some singles feel that married people(especially those who've been married a while) have no clue what it's like to be single and/or dating in today's world-- amongst other things I've heard---and don't welcome advice on dating, courting, abstaining etc.
What say you?
_____________________________
I'll tell the world....where--ever I go. That I, have found, a Savior....and He's sweet I know!!!
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RE: Do you welcome or are you put off by married people... - 10/2/2009 5:38:15 PM
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actorguy282
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I tend to be extremely put off especially if they are a lot younger than me [most usually are]and have no Idea of the circumstances surrounding me being unmarried for so long.
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There are no stupid questions just stupid answers
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RE: Do you welcome or are you put off by married people... - 10/2/2009 7:19:19 PM
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broyce1981
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It really depends on circumstances for me. If done tactfully it can be good. Lots of times, married people come off as sounding like "Since I am married, you only need to do exactly what I did and you'll be married too."
Unfortunately, life doesn't work that way!
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RE: Do you welcome or are you put off by married people... - 10/2/2009 7:27:23 PM
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pbracing33b1
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I am put off by their advice, and lack of helping out to get a date as well!!!
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I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. Phil. 4:13
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RE: Do you welcome or are you put off by married people... - 10/2/2009 7:48:39 PM
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OneOfHisJewels
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quote:
My favourite bit of advice made me cry for a month. "Sweetie...when a man takes a look at the fact that you have two children from two different sources, he's going to head for the hills for the pretty untainted girl down the road."
  
Someone really said that to you? Lucky I don't live near you and know who they are. They'd have a big red handmark on their cheek right now. I decided a long time ago when I realized we are all sinners of equivalent rank, I'm not nearly so concerned about a man's past, as I am about how we will treat me.
As to the original question..it all depends. Bethany (laughing girl on here) was married late, and has a wonderful husband, so she's given me lots of good advice on how to dealing with prolonged singleness, how it really IS worth waiting for the right one, etc. She even gave me some good advice about the person who treats you well is worth it, even if they don't look the way you pictured, or have the job you pictured etc. I loved and appreciated that advice, but I seriously think she is rooting for all of us in here (She doesn't post in here, but she's told me as much). She's also a very sweet person, which helps.
_________________________________________
What I cannott stand, is a woman who married at 18 (right after high school), or at 22 (right after college) and had a bunch of babies right away, and always got to be a SAHM giving me career advice. I'm sorry, but that is rubbing it in my face (disclaimer:NO ONE on CW has done this to me, I'm talking about in real life).
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The rest is on a case by case basis, I guess.
__________________________________________
Tink, I used to sometimes feel sad when single moms got a guy that I had a crush on. I would think, why wouldn't he want me when I have no kids and we could start fresh. But then I realized that God was giving those kids' daddies that they needed, and I would be a selfish jerk to want it any other way. 
_____________________________
Wizard's rule #1 .People can be stupid and willfully deceived (that's from the book, not the show)..slightly edited for CW
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RE: Do you welcome or are you put off by married people... - 10/2/2009 8:34:20 PM
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actorguy282
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sheesh tinks statement kinda sounds like something I got told in my former church.I was told that since I was 40 then and not married I should just give up looking and go into missions because it was obvious to him God didn't want me to find a wife or else he would have provided one for me, that's why I left the church for a long time I mean I have a hard enough time with my differing degrees of faith and faithlessness.I don't need to hear that as well.
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There are no stupid questions just stupid answers
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RE: Do you welcome or are you put off by married people... - 10/2/2009 8:42:26 PM
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johnny103068
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Hmmm since i've never really had much advice from married peoples so i really can't say.
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RE: Do you welcome or are you put off by married people... - 10/2/2009 10:06:24 PM
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Tinkerbell_
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I don't go to that church anymore. 
quote:
Tink, I used to sometimes feel sad when single moms got a guy that I had a crush on. I would think, why wouldn't he want me when I have no kids and we could start fresh. But then I realized that God was giving those kids' daddies that they needed, and I would be a selfish jerk to want it any other way.
I have felt this way about women I don't feel are attractive or nice. I'll look at them and be like, "Surely she's not prettier than I am. What does she have that I don't?" and then I hear, "Oh I don't know...maybe humility?" *grins sheepishly*
So I know what you mean. 
quote:
As to the original question..it all depends. Bethany (laughing girl on here) was married late, and has a wonderful husband, so she's given me lots of good advice on how to dealing with prolonged singleness, how it really IS worth waiting for the right one, etc. She even gave me some good advice about the person who treats you well is worth it, even if they don't look the way you pictured, or have the job you pictured etc. I loved and appreciated that advice, but I seriously think she is rooting for all of us in here (She doesn't post in here, but she's told me as much). She's also a very sweet person, which helps.
I am learning this the hard way. FG is not at all what I would have pictured myself with...looks, career...everything. But he is wonderful to me, wonderful to my boys and I'm learning that the rest just isn't as important.
_____________________________
When I've shown you that I just don't care
When I'm throwing punches in the air
When I'm broken down and I can't stand
Will you be strong enough to be my man?
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RE: Do you welcome or are you put off by married people... - 10/2/2009 10:58:17 PM
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trinigirl722
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Well luckily I've never heard comments like Tink and ActorGuy have, for which I'm very thankful. I'm really sorry people said those things to you, guys!
Fortunately the only advice I've received has been from married women trying to encourage me, so I've welcomed it. Since I've never been married I'm eager to hear any wisdom married folks can share.
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Save the earth! It's the only planet known to have chocolate.
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RE: Do you welcome or are you put off by married people... - 10/3/2009 3:05:26 AM
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Jayelle79
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Tinkerbell_
I have felt this way about women I don't feel are attractive or nice. I'll look at them and be like, "Surely she's not prettier than I am. What does she have that I don't?" and then I hear, "Oh I don't know...maybe humility?" *grins sheepishly*
This made me think of conversation I had a couple of years ago with a married man.
He asked me, "Are you married?"
I said, "No."
He said, "Why not? You're pretty enough to be married. What's the matter with you?"
I was utterly taken aback. And slightly paranoid for a while. "I don't know! What IS wrong with me?" Then I thought, "What a strange thing to say." As if one can be pretty enough or not pretty enough to be married.
This is a little off-topic, I suppose, as I'm talking about general comments, and not advice I've received, but...I've mentioned before that I'm a massage therapist. It's common for clients to ask if I'm married or if I have kids. But this week, the number of questions has been unprecedented. When they find out I'm not married, they inevitably seem to ask a question about WHY I'm not married. Don't you want to get married? Why are you waiting? Have you tried eHarmony? Don't you like boys? How old are you? Don't you believe in marriage? Or they say "Don't wait too long or you'll miss out." I try not to be so sensitive about it, but it is difficult.
I just think it's weird. It wouldn't occur to me to ask a lot of those questions. I might ask someone if he/she is married, but if they say, "no" I just leave it at that, unless they want to offer more details. I guess what it boils down to, is that I think these kinds of questions are rude. Unasked for advice can come across the same way.
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RE: Do you welcome or are you put off by married people... - 10/3/2009 11:39:56 AM
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OneOfHisJewels
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quote:
You're pretty enough to be married.
It always annoys me when people put that take on it. I've seen plain people that were married young, and gorgeous people that were married late or not at all, so that makes no sense. Plus, are people that aren't "pretty enough," not even supposed to desire to get married by that logic? Besides, what's pretty is subjective anyway.
OTOH......between my sisters and I, it was the one who always got most complimented on her looks that got married soonest...while that may have been a factor, I don't think it was the ultimate reason. After all, I almost got married right around that time, but that guy annoyed me to my last nerve, and as much as I wanted to get married, I wasn't going to settle for someone who I couldn't even live with just so I wouldn't be single.
_____________________________
Wizard's rule #1 .People can be stupid and willfully deceived (that's from the book, not the show)..slightly edited for CW
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RE: Do you welcome or are you put off by married people... - 10/3/2009 11:52:37 AM
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truthrevealed
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I'm flabbergasted at some of the things people have spoken. What I tell singles(because I unfortunately didn't wait until being married before sex so I don't understand what it's like to wait---that way) is that God hears and answers your prayers for a spouse.
I prayed for a husband New Years Eve 1990 while on christmas break from college. I gave God my specific "list" which included that we be friends for a long time. I asked that this man be a Christian, non-abusive etc. I asked God to give me someone to spend the holidays with---I was tired of being lonely/alone on my birthday, christmas etc. The very next year two weeks to the day, I met the man who is now my husband. He wasn't saved, we weren't the best of friends, we had a child out of wedlock, we lived together and were complete nuts cause we were so messed up from childhood(there were some good times ) and we moved back home from my college town(turned out we lived only a mile or so away from each other in our home town) in the same week because we were both evicted from our apartments(we lived separate at this time). I prayed those 6 years if this was the husband I'd prayed for. We'd talked about marriage, contemplated it, but thank God didn't at the time.
We moved home, separted from each other and then.........he found God . I was living like a fool. A broken, wounded....fool. In just the right time [/i] God opened his heart and saved me from living the life of a single.....fool! Oh what a change came over that man when God came into his life!!!!!!
Today we are truly best friends and have been for years. God is awesome! He often reminds me of His faithfulness to give me a husband when I become discouraged and/or doubtful. He reminds me that He does hear and answer but in His perfect timing. That's what I tell singles.
Keep your responses coming......
_____________________________
I'll tell the world....where--ever I go. That I, have found, a Savior....and He's sweet I know!!!
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RE: Do you welcome or are you put off by married people... - 10/3/2009 12:10:43 PM
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Prairiehiker
Posts: 4031
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quote:
I've heard opinions on both sides. Some singles feel that married people(especially those who've been married a while) have no clue what it's like to be single and/or dating in today's world-- amongst other things I've heard---and don't welcome advice on dating, courting, abstaining etc.
What say you?
I welcome advice from people that are wise and not negative or cynical, whether they are single or married. Lately though, I like seeking counsel from people who are happily married.
_____________________________
Search me, Oh God, and know my heart
Try me, and know my anxieties;
And see if there is any wicked way in me, and
Lead me in the way everlasting Psalm 139:22-24
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Go Steelers!!!
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RE: Do you welcome or are you put off by married people... - 10/3/2009 2:58:08 PM
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SamsonUSA
Posts: 2071
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From: Laguna Beach. Presently an Arizona desert dweller
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quote:
I've heard opinions on both sides. Some singles feel that married people(especially those who've been married a while) have no clue what it's like to be single and/or dating in today's world-- amongst other things I've heard---and don't welcome advice on dating, courting, abstaining etc.
Someones marital status has no bearing whatsoever on whether or not I'll take their advice to heart.
quote:
What say you?
What say God?
We are to seek His counsel through prayer.
I will bless the Lord who has counseled me; Indeed, my mind instructs me in the night. Psalm 16:7
The counsel of the Lord stands forever, the plans of His heart from generation to generation. Psalm 33:11
Many are the plans of a mans heart, but the counsel of the Lord, it will stand. Proverbs 19:21
We are to seek His counsel through His word. God will never advise you to do something which is contrary to His word. If anyone ever advises you to do something contrary to what His word teaches do not heed their advice, nor should you ever consider taking any future advice from them.
Incline your ear and hear the words of the wise, and apply your mind to my knowledge; For it will be pleasant if you keep them within you, that they may be ready on your lips.
So that your trust may be in the Lord, I have taught you today, even you.
Have I not written to you excellent things, of counsels and knowledge,
to make you know the certainty of the words of truth
That you may correctly answer those who sent you? Proverbs 22:17-21
Make your ears attentive to wisdom, Incline your heart to understanding; for if you cry for discernment, lift your voice for understanding; If you seek her as silver, and search for her as hidden treasures;
Then you will discern the fear of the Lord, and discover the knowledge of God.
For the Lord gives wisdom; from His mouth come knowledge and understanding.
Proverbs 2:2-6
Your testimonies also are my delight; they are my counselors. Psalm 119:24
We should not accept spiritual advice from unspiritual people.
We should not seek advice from people who lead ungodly lifestyles.
Beware of false prophets, which come to you in sheep's clothing, but inwardly they are ravening wolves. You shall know them by their fruits. Do men gather grapes of thorns, or figs of thistles?
Matthew 7:15-16
We are to test the spirits.
Beloved, do not believe every spirit, but test the spirits to see whether they are from God; because many false prophets have gone out into the world. 1 John 4:1
As a single never married man I counsel more married people than single people. Yes God does have a sense of humor. While doing so I pray and ask God for discernment and direction. If I feel led to give counsel, I will. If not, I won't. But I'll always offer encouragement.
It would be wise to take any advice you receive from anyone to the Lord in prayer before acting on anything. Often wise counsel you receive from brethren is simply confirmation of something the Holy Spirit has already laid on your heart.
_____________________________
If you can't be thankful for what you receive, be thankful for what you escape.
"You are never more free than when you fulfill the plan God has for your life." Warren Wiersbe
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RE: Do you welcome or are you put off by married people... - 10/4/2009 11:06:30 PM
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John_O
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I figure if they introduce me to a woman who fits me they can offer all the advice they want (I don't promise to pay any attention to it however)
I was married for 18 years and was a great husband. I don't need advice I need introductions.
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Psalms 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.
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RE: Do you welcome or are you put off by married people... - 10/5/2009 2:18:50 AM
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OneOfHisJewels
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lol
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Wizard's rule #1 .People can be stupid and willfully deceived (that's from the book, not the show)..slightly edited for CW
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RE: Do you welcome or are you put off by married people... - 10/5/2009 6:29:56 AM
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mutinywxgirl
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quote:
ORIGINAL: BelleWeather
quote:
ORIGINAL: Tinkerbell_
My favourite bit of advice made me cry for a month. "Sweetie...when a man takes a look at the fact that you have two children from two different sources, he's going to head for the hills for the pretty untainted girl down the road."
*heavy sigh*
The minute someone asks me why such a pretty girl like me isn't married, I excuse myself and beat a hasty retreat. I know that conversation isn't going to end well.
Belle - I get the exact same thing! All the time!!! I actually just tell them that I've got the kiss of death: intelligence, integrity, independence and looks. That generally shuts them up pretty fast, because they have to stop and think about what I've said, and I'm able to move on to other people/conversations.
And for 99% of the men out there - they go running for the hills with that combination. Believe me, it takes a very intelligent and confident man to get and keep my attention. There have only been a few (and hopefully now, the last).
< Message edited by mutinywxgirl -- 10/5/2009 6:36:48 AM >
_____________________________
When blood and water hit the ground.
Walls we couldn't move came crashing down.
We were free and made alive.
The day true love died. The day true love died.
Lisa is happy THE ROWDIES ARE BACK!
14 (go Tony!)
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RE: Do you welcome or are you put off by married people... - 10/5/2009 9:40:11 AM
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rgod
Posts: 1918
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Hmmm ... I think a lot of how I've received advice depends on how I felt about singleness at the time. When I was feeling really hopeless about it and defensive, I didn't want to hear from any married people, especially those who got married young. What I've noticed now though, is that we often see each other more clearly than we see ourselves. So, if someone that cares about me also has godly wisdom, I don't care if they are married or single. I also take into account the spirit with which the advice is given, and like everyone else here, the source. I once got "advice" from a newly widowed woman who felt that I didn't know anything about a specific matter because I'd always been unmarried (it didn't occur to her that singleness has seasons, just like marriage does and that perhaps she didn't know as much about singleness as she thought). Her approach and dismissal of me because of my marital status made me unreceptive to her message. I considered her advice anyway, because it is wisdom to do so (just because I didn't like the approach doesn't mean that the advice couldn't be godly). Overall though, I think that the advice that I value the most are from godly christians who were happily single for a long time and then got married - as well of those who regardless of marital status - are particularly wise when it comes to relationships.
And I'm sorry to hear about all of you who've gotten slammed by others concerning your single status. I think that often, when something comes easily to a person, they think it should be easy for everyone. When it was very easy for me to get jobs, I used to give out advice freely, thinking that if they did things "my" way, they'd have a job in no time flat. Well, now I have had a horrible time getting a decent job along with millions of other people. I now understand what people were going through and I feel terrible about my former prideful attitude. I think the same principle can be applied to some marital advice. Lots of people just sort of fall into marriage, so they think it is easy - put on a red dress, go out to social events, meet someone, in 9 months a proposal and voila - you are married. (And lots of the married people who are giving out advice weren't serious Christian before they got married, so they have no idea what it is to be a single and Christian.) So they give advice freely, thinking if you do it their way, you'll be married too. I don't think that most of the people mean to be hurtful, but I do believe that when things are easy for us, we don't fully appreciate the grace and mercy of God in these situations, as well as how much He orchestrates these things.
< Message edited by rgod -- 10/5/2009 9:53:46 AM >
_____________________________
We are His portion and He is our prize, drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes! If grace is an ocean, we're all sinking ...
- Kim Walker "How He Loves Us"
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RE: Do you welcome or are you put off by married people... - 10/5/2009 12:05:49 PM
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BelleWeather
Posts: 715
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quote:
ORIGINAL: LabGuy
"Without counsel purposes are disappointed: but in the multitude of counsellors they are established." - Proverbs 15:22
(See also Proverbs 11:14 and 24:6)
If we hope to be married someday, then I think the advice of married people (especially Christian couples who have been married for some time) is invaluable. Not in the area of finding a mate, but rather being a mate. These are people who have walked the path, know what it takes, and know the pitfalls. Why wouldn't we take such advice? It has been well said that the first step to finding the right person is being the right person.
-Robb
My parents and grandparents are my example: loving, humble, educated, healthy, Christian, honorable, funny, gracious, artistic....unique people with standards I strive to emulate all my life.
One comment my Father has made about marriage--No matter who you think you are going to marry, it will end up to be someone else--In other words, reality eventually trumps the dream.
_____________________________
We think we fathom the depths
when we are just skimming the surface with our finger.
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RE: Do you welcome or are you put off by married people... - 10/5/2009 2:34:55 PM
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John_O
Posts: 7808
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quote:
ORIGINAL: mutinywxgirl
Believe me, it takes a very intelligent and confident man to get and keep my attention. There have only been a few (and hopefully now, the last).
(I see a distinct need for more details here)
_____________________________
Psalms 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.
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RE: Do you welcome or are you put off by married people... - 10/5/2009 4:25:02 PM
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truthrevealed
Posts: 716
Joined: 12/6/2007
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quote:
If we hope to be married someday, then I think the advice of married people (especially Christian couples who have been married for some time) is invaluable. Not in the area of finding a mate, but rather being a mate. These are people who have walked the path, know what it takes, and know the pitfalls. Why wouldn't we take such advice? It has been well said that the first step to finding the right person is being the right person.
That's good!
I wonder, though, why some are not as inclined to accept advice from those who married young? It's been mentioned here.
_____________________________
I'll tell the world....where--ever I go. That I, have found, a Savior....and He's sweet I know!!!
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