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RE: Pumpkins and Falling Leaves - October Chat - 10/12/2009 12:58:49 PM
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shadowspring
Posts: 620
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Cindy, I think passivity is the hardest sin to overcome! Wasn't "sloth" considered one of the seven deadly sins by the early Catholics?
It's so maddening to me because of my personality. I am super-responsible, and appealing to me to be a hero, a doer, a builder in life is easy. I want to do good in this life.
My dh's life is complicated by a religious ethic of avoidance. Avoiding sin was always emphasized way way more than doing good. For example, the definition of a good husband in his book is one who doesn't commit adultery, doesn't gamble, is not addicted to anything and for good measure throw in stuffs his anger rather than discuss what's bugging him.
God's definition of a good husband is simple: one who loves his wife as Christ loves, meaning in whatever way meets the needs of the beloved. That would be speaking tenderly to his wife, showing appreciation in ways that are meaningful to her, prizing her heart and being willing to sacrifice anything to win that coveted love relationship with the object of his affection. 
The first ethic makes life much easier for a lazy, complacent man. Jesus' ethic of involvement just requires so much work and effort and sacrifice! õ_0
I was watching NCIS:LA, a new cop show. The matronly boss explains to her female suboordinate that women think men want them to be their partners and lovers in life, but all they are really looking for is a substitute mommy.  Too creepy how true that is!   
_____________________________
"Blessed is the man...whose delight is in the law of the Lord, and in His law meditates day and night. He will be like a tree planted by rivers of water..." from Psalm 1
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RE: Pumpkins and Falling Leaves - October Chat - 10/13/2009 1:05:53 PM
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daughter_of_faith
Posts: 850
Joined: 1/10/2008
From: Great Plains, Kansas
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Hello, everyone! I'm looking to make the move to SAHW/M after this school year; furthermore, I am hoping to HS our DS. My DH is still talking about having me substitute teach next year although I'm not sure how keen I am on the idea. I am currently teaching in the public school system and I just see so many things that I really don't like. (Ie: A few weeks ago, I was in a 5th grade classroom and the school counselor was talking about sexual harassment. Homosexuality also came up in the discussion.)
My DH does not like the public schools for the same reason; however, he does not seem to be entirely on board with homeschooling. We've discussed it some and I think he's thinking about it more. Does anyone know anything about homeschooling foster children? This was another area we had discussed as we're in the process of becoming foster parents.
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RE: Pumpkins and Falling Leaves - October Chat - 10/13/2009 2:20:54 PM
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3cappuccinosmom
Posts: 3567
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OK, can I just say "Argh!!!!!!!" <tearing hair out>
If you read the parenting folder, you know why.
daughter_of_faith, welcome!
If your husband is leery of homeschooling, would he consider a compromise, like a state cyber charter school? I know it's not "real" homeschooling according to some, but it might ease him into the idea.  It would also probably be totally acceptable for foster kids (given it has state accountability), though you'd have to check with the courts about that.
Also, if he's worried that things won't get done, or that organization won't be enough, curriculums run the gamut. You can be on the one extreme of doing *everything* yourself and pulling bits and pieces together to make your own curriculum, or you can purchase "school in a box" where it's all done for you.
_____________________________
 Moo
The Ballad of Bad Biruk
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RE: Pumpkins and Falling Leaves - October Chat - 10/13/2009 2:25:38 PM
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daughter_of_faith
Posts: 850
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From: Great Plains, Kansas
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I'll have to go read the parenting folder, Maggie.
For me, I like to be able to pull bits and pieces in from different sources; however, it is easier to buy a "packaged curriculum" to teach from and supplement as needed.
A state cyber charter school might work. Do they have them for all ages/grades?
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RE: Pumpkins and Falling Leaves - October Chat - 10/13/2009 2:48:26 PM
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daughter_of_faith
Posts: 850
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From: Great Plains, Kansas
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Variety is always good. I like using hands on manipulatives as well. This seems to work well for active little boys (and girls) to learn.
I hear you on doing it the way DH wants to...that's why I am trying to submit to his wishes. At the same time, we both agree that PS is not the place where we want our children to be schooled.
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RE: Pumpkins and Falling Leaves - October Chat - 10/13/2009 3:04:39 PM
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Mrs.Wifey
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From: The Gorgeous plains of Colorado
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quote:
And just so ya all know, I have the BEST friends in the entire world, and my socks have been thoroughly blessed off.
Mine too We are in a similar situation with marital separation and my friends have been a huge blessing during this time.
_____________________________
Ryanne- trying hard to be my husband's girlfriend and my daughter's mother.
I'll keep my guns, freedom, and money- you can keep "the change."
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RE: Pumpkins and Falling Leaves - October Chat - 10/13/2009 3:36:18 PM
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daughter_of_faith
Posts: 850
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From: Great Plains, Kansas
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It's a lot of work to come together on areas where there are disagreements. Usually (for me) it seems to be easier to die to my own desires as DH can be a very stubborn man.
Anyway, that's kind of off topic. Sorry.
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RE: Pumpkins and Falling Leaves - October Chat - 10/13/2009 3:41:28 PM
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cynthia
Posts: 6999
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From: Beautiful Puget Sound Region
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This is a chat thread, almost nothing is off topic, but we cannot get into an intense theological discussion here either. I'm sorry that your husband is stubborn. I simply wouldn't put up with being bullied.
_____________________________
My husband and I have a motto:
We are the leader. We are one.
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RE: Pumpkins and Falling Leaves - October Chat - 10/13/2009 3:47:03 PM
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daughter_of_faith
Posts: 850
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From: Great Plains, Kansas
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That's good for a chat thread
I just try to do my best to be pleasing to my DH (I think most women do). If it means not fighting with him about something, then it's for the better. Problems can creep in because we don't really know how to fight fairly. I hadn't ever saw him being stubborn as being a bully.
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RE: Pumpkins and Falling Leaves - October Chat - 10/13/2009 4:01:06 PM
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cynthia
Posts: 6999
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From: Beautiful Puget Sound Region
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Fighting is unhealthy. I try very hard to be respectful and submissive to my husband in all things. If we get heated, I try to walk away to think and pray before speaking with my husband again. I try to see things from his perspective and not think the worst of him or let my emotions take over. I try to listen to him and work with him rather than trying to force my view on him. I do not go along with anything I disagree with. Going along with something I disagree with has caused great harm to our marriage over the years and I have stopped doing that. Coming to an agreement should not involve fighting. I understand that learning to communicate properly can be difficult. After 25 years of marriage I am still learning a lot about proper and godly communication. The Bible tells us that when we ask the Lord for wisdom that He gives it to us generously. (James) This is true in any situation where we ask Him for wisdom. When my husband and I do not know what to do, we can ask God for wisdom and expect that He will lead us together to come to a conclusion.
I am not suggesting you argue with your husband or even that you stand your ground. I am suggesting that you two can come to know the will of God when you seek Him together for the answers. If you are both seeking God and do not have the same answer, then either one or both are not hearing from God, because our God is not a God of confusion.
_____________________________
My husband and I have a motto:
We are the leader. We are one.
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RE: Pumpkins and Falling Leaves - October Chat - 10/13/2009 4:34:51 PM
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Sideways
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I've brought up HSing to my husband (don't know if that would shock anyone here or not), and his main concern is that it would be to stressful for me. Apparently he's of the opinion that I am currently hanging on by a thread in terms of my mental stability, and while there's a tiny ounce of truth to that, I told him that the children won't be 2 and 9 months forever.
He's not worried about my academic capabilities, nor is he pressuring me to return to the workforce any time soon, though I've often thought of tutoring Calculus, Trig and Physics. I figure we have years ahead of us still. Neither of are motivated by religious or political inclinations to home school. It would more be a case of having a more flexible schedule, one on one teaching, that sort of thing.
If God wants us to home school, I suppose God will tell dH. I'll be happy to follow.
_____________________________
Row, row, row your boat, gently down the stream. If you see a crocodile, don't forget to scream.
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RE: Pumpkins and Falling Leaves - October Chat - 10/13/2009 4:35:17 PM
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daughter_of_faith
Posts: 850
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That is definitely true. God isn't the author of confusion.
I think sometimes we (well, okay it's usually ME) can get upset at the drop of a hat. It is then unfruitful to try to have a discussion as it leads to more hurt feelings.
So...what are your rules for fighting fairly? You've completed 25 years of marriage, so I'm sure you have some good strategies. We've only been married for a little over 2 years. Actually, I just realized that today is an "anniversary" if you count the day of the month on which we were married.
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RE: Pumpkins and Falling Leaves - October Chat - 10/13/2009 5:04:11 PM
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cynthia
Posts: 6999
Joined: 3/31/2005
From: Beautiful Puget Sound Region
Status: online
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quote:
ORIGINAL: daughter_of_faith
That is definitely true. God isn't the author of confusion.
I think sometimes we (well, okay it's usually ME) can get upset at the drop of a hat. It is then unfruitful to try to have a discussion as it leads to more hurt feelings.
So...what are your rules for fighting fairly? You've completed 25 years of marriage, so I'm sure you have some good strategies. We've only been married for a little over 2 years. Actually, I just realized that today is an "anniversary" if you count the day of the month on which we were married.
I do not believe in fighting. My husband and I used to fight all the time. Now we rarely fight. I will admit that we sometimes do, but it is very short and we catch ourselves and stop. Normally what we do is walk away, pray and cool down, then we try again when we are ready to be respecful, submissive and loving to each other. The idea is to seek the Lord together and find out what His will is, not my will or my husband's will. Sometimes this results in something completely different than what either of us was thinking. When we have discussed the situation and work together to find an answer, we know we are done when we are in agreement. Fighting is not unity. The Bible calls husband and wife to unity.
_____________________________
My husband and I have a motto:
We are the leader. We are one.
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RE: Pumpkins and Falling Leaves - October Chat - 10/13/2009 5:28:50 PM
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cynthia
Posts: 6999
Joined: 3/31/2005
From: Beautiful Puget Sound Region
Status: online
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After writing that, I was thinking that it sounds like there is no room for heated discussion, but there is. Sometimes one partner doesn’t want to budge, but she’s wrong and needs to be corrected in order for things to move on. This requires patience, kindness and speaking the truth in love. The truth must always be spoken in love or, like the Bible says, it’s no better than a clanging gong. It’s really important to stick to the truth and it can get very intense. Dh and I have had some extremely intense discussions over something one of us was wrong about. As a helpmeet, the wife cannot remain silent when her husband is in sin or making poor choices that are impacting the family. Of course we cannot make our husbands do anything or believe anything, but we can point out the truth in a respectful and loving manner and not simply go along with things so as not to make waves. Sometimes this means digging in our heals and not going along with something we disagree with when we know the Lord has spoken to our hearts.
On the other hand, we have to be very careful. The Bible tells us that Eve thought she was right and she talked her husband into doing something with eternally terrible consequences. We have to make sure that what we believe lines up with scripture if we are taking what we believe to be a moral stand. I don’t make stands unless they are based on morality, which includes making responsible decisions. If my husband wants to do something that I disagree with on moral grounds, thinking it would be irresponsible, I simply explain to him why I feel that way. He can then make an informed decision knowing that unless he can show me where my judgment is wrong I am not going to budge. I am not a stubborn woman, but I am strong willed and will not back down from something I believe to be true unless someone can show me the error of my ways. I am open to listening and will respectfully consider my husband if he disagrees. Sometimes he points out something I have missed or he presents a different angle that I have not considered. We then work it through until we both know the truth and can be happy with it. I love it when we can have an intense discussion on something and come to unity. It’s very invigorating, even if I was the one in the wrong. I love to work it out.
People sometimes ask “what if you cannot come to agreement; someone has to make a decision?” I say that the Lord’s will is available for us to know and making any decision just to make one can be as bad as no decision at all. It’s better to keep at it until the Lord reveals His truth to both husband and wife. If that means nothing happens, then so be it.
ETA: Ground rules for communication:
1. No yelling or shouting.
2. No calling names.
3. No rolling of the eyes or other disrespectful body language.
< Message edited by cynthia -- 10/13/2009 5:41:19 PM >
_____________________________
My husband and I have a motto:
We are the leader. We are one.
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RE: Pumpkins and Falling Leaves - October Chat - 10/13/2009 8:36:01 PM
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narnia
Posts: 476
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Welcome butterfly and daughter of faith.
My blessing is sick today...is now asleep again. Poor thing...started as a cold but now seems to have morphed into a stomach virus. I too have a cold and we are taking measures so it doesn't turn into a stomach thing.
The cats are happy though as they have had company all day.
A couple is getting married next month in our congregation. They have asked me to do my "Fine Linen" dance at their wedding. I am honored they liked it that much that they want it at their wedding.
I'm not as pleased at suggestions from others that we have more people learn the dance. We only have a small space to begin with and if the new people stick it out, we will have 9 people already. I want to start tomorrow night so the new people have plenty of time to get it down....we have four weeks to get it right.
_____________________________
Domestic Diva, according to our Forums Mother!
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RE: Pumpkins and Falling Leaves - October Chat - 10/13/2009 10:41:04 PM
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his_chosen
Posts: 1301
Joined: 4/11/2005
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Ooooo Cindy considering going to the doctor?! Do you have your will in order? I figure it must be bad if you are considering going to the doctor! Oh, and of course you will have all your Steelers gear on for tomorrow???
_____________________________
You have a choice. You can throw in the towel or you can use it to wipe the sweat off your face.
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