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L5FanLady -> RE: Roger Bennett Passes Away (4/7/2007 8:13:01 PM)
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April 07, 2007
Assurances
As I begin composing this post, it is 3 weeks, almost to the very minute, that Roger left this earth to begin his Heavenly life. I think it's a fitting anniversary to be able to finally write about some of those "God things" that happened toward the end. I have to rely heavily on those these days, since the reality has sunk in all the way, and I miss him so incredibly.
About the 1st of March, as Roger was still in the hospital, and we knew we were dealing with a more serious situation each day, I had gone back to the apartment for a while. I was walking our dog (we had decided to have one member of our menagerie brought to us after Christmas, since we figured petting a puppy would bring some stress relief. Well, Boomer is 11 and 1/2 years old, but he is still our "puppy") and enjoying a beautiful day of sunshine outside when I became overwhelmingly sad and weepy. I was thinking of all of the things that Roger would love to do, and how he would so enjoy just being in the sunshine, outside of that confining hospital, maybe just riding in the car. And, yes, I was feeling a bit rebellious, asking God "Why?"......."Why can't you just make it all better this time, like before?" "Don't You know what all Roger is missing?" "Don't You realize what all Roger wants to do?" So, I had my moment of a mass of emotions crashing around me, feeling like there was just too much at stake for the Lord NOT to heal Roger. Then, at the very second when I just thought I couldn't bear thinking about it anymore, God spoke to me - not audibly, of course, although it certainly felt as real as if He had - and He said, "Debbie, there is nothing here on this earth that even compares to what I have waiting on Roger in Heaven." That thought literally stopped me in my tracks, and a wave of peace came over me, knowing that that Promise was true. And as I began to think about it in more depth, I thought of all of the things that I wanted to do with Roger here on earth, about all of the things Roger wanted to do here on this earth, and God was right (imagine that!)......it couldn't possibly compare to the riches waiting for all of God's children when we finally complete our journey!!
I cannot begin to count the hundreds of times I have taken myself back to that moment. I have times when panic begins to overtake me, thinking about the time I won't have Roger here with me; how much I miss him; how much the kids miss him, and all of our family misses him. Yet, in a moment, that peace that passes all understanding can come back to me, to let me know that ROGER is not missing ANYTHING! The time we live here without him won't even show up on the Heavenly calendar. It will seem like a moment to Roger, until the time comes when we show up at the pearly gates and get to experience that same Homecoming and welcome that he has already realized. As the song says, "What a Day that will be.......!"
I wish I could be some spiritual giant, who never has moments of doubt or fear, but God knows who I am, and He loves me anyway. And, in the words of another of Roger's songs, "It's Good to Know!"
There will be much, much more to come. Thank you for your love, prayers and support. Your kind words about Roger and your promises to pray for our family mean more than we can say. Believe it or not, I read EVERY post and card that comes our way. They are a huge part of my life, which at the moment, stands on the threshhold of becoming something totally different from what I have known and loved for the past 25 years plus. Scary, but there again, I have no choice but to trust.
Meanwhile, I cling to the assurance that I remain on this earth, but
In His Grip,
Debbie
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