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Where do I meet a girl like you? - 10/19/2009 11:28:01 AM
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dksitecivil
Posts: 116
Joined: 5/26/2009
From: South Florida
Status: offline
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Ok, I'm just going to throw this out there. I'm told that I am a "great guy, nice guy, good looking guy, caring and compassionate guy". I'll at least agree with the caring and compassionate part, lol.
I do know I am on fire for my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. I'm very active in my church which has about 7000 attendees total between all services. That being said, where does a guy meet a girl/women also on fire for the Lord who is also all of the above? I'm kinda shy until I get to know you. I was told recently that I will meet that special girl when I am not looking to meet anyone. Huh ... what the heck does that mean? I pray that God is preparing my future soul-mate for me and that He is preparing me for her. So, do I just hang out at church and "not look for anyone"? I just read what I wrote and wondering how pathetic I am, but I am actually serious. lol
_____________________________
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11 NIV
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RE: Where do I meet a girl like you? - 10/19/2009 12:01:20 PM
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Elena1030
Posts: 2573
Joined: 6/21/2006
From: Music City, USA
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: dksitecivil
Ok, I'm just going to throw this out there. I'm told that I am a "great guy, nice guy, good looking guy, caring and compassionate guy". I'll at least agree with the caring and compassionate part, lol.
I do know I am on fire for my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.
I'm not always sure what people mean when they describe themselves as "on fire" for Christ. So... what does that mean to you?
quote:
I'm very active in my church which has about 7000 attendees total between all services.
Wow, that's ginormous church!!
Do you attend a Sunday School class (or its equivalent)?
quote:
That being said, where does a guy meet a girl/women also on fire for the Lord who is also all of the above?
Good question! We single gals are asking the same thing about you single guys!
Me: Sunday School, choir, children's ministry.
I don't really like the phrase on fire for the Lord, so I wouldn't use it to describe myself.
But I am very active in a lot of ways in the bodylife of my church, and I do love Jesus. I just see myself as having a lot of room to grow as a believer.
quote:
I'm kinda shy until I get to know you.
Is it that you're quiet and kinda reticent? Or are you a little fearful of other people, of talking with them?
quote:
I was told recently that I will meet that special girl when I am not looking to meet anyone. Huh ... what the heck does that mean?
Yeah, that's bunk, in my opinion. Men are supposed to be the ones seeking; women are in the role of waiting to be found.
I like this article by a gal who recently married, at age 30: "I Kept Looking."
I think it's perfectly fine to keep your sights ready to spot a godly woman with fabulous potential to be your future wife.
Article: "Real Men Risk Rejection"
Blog post: "Real Men Initiate"
Article: "Real Men Initiate"
quote:
I pray that God is preparing my future soul-mate for me and that He is preparing me for her.
Hmm... I find the concept of soulmates to be a theological impossibility. Here are articles about that:
"Myths About Soul Mates"
"Hoping for a Soul Mate"
"Soul Mates or Sole Mate"
But... as God does know, in His infinite knowledge and in His sovereignty, whom you will marry, then yes, it is wise and good to be praying now for her, especially for God's continued work in her life and preparation for her to be a wife and mother.
"Pray Boldly"
quote:
So, do I just hang out at church and "not look for anyone"? I just read what I wrote and wondering how pathetic I am, but I am actually serious. lol
No. You don't merely "hang out" at church. You be part of the life of your church.
And... seek to find a wife. "Get Married, Young Man"
Nope, not wondering how pathetic you are. Just wanting you to be encouraged to go ahead and pursue marriage, to take the risk to initiate with a woman who piques your interest, and to stop labeling yourself pathetic.
Be strong in the Lord, my brother! Trust that He is guiding your steps as you search. 
_____________________________
Prayer thread for singles who desire to marry someday
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RE: Where do I meet a girl like you? - 10/19/2009 1:59:14 PM
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car2ner
Posts: 2767
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: just north of Florida
Status: offline
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Have fun, meet people, put yourself out there. Don't make yourself crazy looking for The One. It will make you more attractive if you just relax.
_____________________________
http://www.car2ner.2ya.com
http://car2ner.imagekind.com
"May your days be long and your hardships few".
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RE: Where do I meet a girl like you? - 10/19/2009 2:24:51 PM
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deermousie
Posts: 2450
Joined: 9/26/2007
Status: online
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Elena gave you some great advice, dear Brother. 
quote:
ORIGINAL: dksitecivil
Ok, I'm just going to throw this out there. I'm told that I am a "great guy, nice guy, good looking guy, caring and compassionate guy". I'll at least agree with the caring and compassionate part, lol.
Well, that's a good start, Dksitecivil. The first thing I encourage single Christian women to look for is a godly man: a man who loves God, lives by what he reads in the Bible every day, is growing and as a result, serving somehow. Good looks are just icing on the cake; nice but not necessary and not a deal breaker. Here's the list my husband and I drew up for our single daughter to use:
- Does he have a reputation as a godly man with his pastor and other mature Christians who've known him for years? Does he get in to his Bible daily, act on what he learns there and deal with his sin quickly? Is he free of habitual or besetting sin? Does he let his understanding that God loves people drive him to love people, too? Has he kept all the promises and vows he's made?
- Does he have the skills and knowledge necessary for marriage - leadership skills, conflict resolution skills, social skills, life skills, financial skills and knowledge, knowledge of how marriage works, and a fairly good idea of how the opposite sex's mind works,? Or, is he willing and determined to become so (and willing to wait until he's got a good handle on it before asking for her)? Is he finished with his education and have a career that can support a family?
- Is he emotionally, mentally, socially and spiritually healthy, or willing and determined to become so (and willing to wait until he's got it before asking for her)? Is he teachable?
- Is he available? (no previous relationships that still have an emotional or legal hold on him, either in God's eyes or the law's eyes)
Which boils down to:
Is he godly?
Is he ready?
Is he healthy?
Is he available?
quote:
I was told recently that I will meet that special girl when I am not looking to meet anyone. Huh ... what the heck does that mean?
It means some Christians don't realize they are superstitious.
As we obey God, He teaches us and sanctifies our lives. As we grow we become more ready to marry, so it might look like the surrender made God give a person a mate. What it was was they grew up enough to be ready to marry (the process continues after marriage, and often the lessons are much harder) so God gave them a mate. But it's not a "surrender to God and He has to give you a wife." We can't control God.
quote:
So, do I just hang out at church and "not look for anyone"? I just read what I wrote and wondering how pathetic I am, but I am actually serious. lol
I don't see you as pathetic but as a learner - that's very good! Is there an older married man in your church who can disciple you? Get on with your life with what God has put in front of you today, keep growing (be in your Bible every day, and do what you learn there), keep praying, and let God run your life. He's not going to withhold any good thing from you, so be confident His timing will be perfect. Go do what you are doing today, and God bless you!
And thank you for the inferred compliment, "a girl like you." There are many godly women here, and I think you are wise to see that. May God have one somewhere getting ready for you!
< Message edited by deermousie -- 10/19/2009 2:49:49 PM >
_____________________________
People died to give you the Bible in your language.
Read it. Eat it. Dwell in it. Rightly divide it. Live it.
Laugh, dance, praise your God, and go read some more. And God bless you.
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RE: Where do I meet a girl like you? - 10/19/2009 3:16:31 PM
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stellaluna
Posts: 4211
Joined: 4/11/2005
Status: offline
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If you had wanted to meet me, you would have been hanging around a tattoo shop, or a punk rock show, or you would have been a runner maybe and you would have seen me at races. You might also have been hanging around a local coffee shop or bookstore.
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RE: Where do I meet a girl like you? - 10/19/2009 4:12:00 PM
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dksitecivil
Posts: 116
Joined: 5/26/2009
From: South Florida
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Elena1030
dksitecivil:
OK... so... are you married? 'Cause your profile says that you are. With 6 or more kids. And then in a Men's Only thread you state that you are 51 years old.
I think those facts might color the counsel we give you.
I was under the impression that you were in your 20s. (That's just how I read into things. It's not your fault.)
Edited to add:
Oh, dear brother, I am so sorry... I just did a bit more digging and discovered that you've been through a lot lately. Please forgive me for assuming!!
And I wish I could give you a sisterly hug. But here's a virtual one: {{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{ dksitecivil ...... that's a side hug.
Truly, the counsel we would give to an older man who has children and who is going through a divorce is vastly different from a never-married 20-something young man.
So... how can we best help you?
(I don't think you're looking for a "girl"; you're looking for a woman. Right?)
Absolutely no need to apologize. But I better change my profile! Yes I am now divorced after she had an affair and has since married the guy. Other than my daughter (the youngest), the children listed in my profile were my step-kids (I'll save the "were" comment for explanation at some other time). I am looking for a "women", but have always just said "girl". Ya know, guys & girls. lol
Thank you for your counsel. Very good info.
God Bless
< Message edited by dksitecivil -- 10/19/2009 4:19:06 PM >
_____________________________
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11 NIV
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RE: Where do I meet a girl like you? - 10/19/2009 4:16:54 PM
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dksitecivil
Posts: 116
Joined: 5/26/2009
From: South Florida
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: stellaluna
If you had wanted to meet me, you would have been hanging around a tattoo shop, or a punk rock show, or you would have been a runner maybe and you would have seen me at races. You might also have been hanging around a local coffee shop or bookstore.
I love coffee shops, love bookstores, love running ... great! Thank you
_____________________________
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11 NIV
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RE: Where do I meet a girl like you? - 10/19/2009 4:43:11 PM
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dksitecivil
Posts: 116
Joined: 5/26/2009
From: South Florida
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: deermousie
Elena gave you some great advice, dear Brother.
quote:
ORIGINAL: dksitecivil
Ok, I'm just going to throw this out there. I'm told that I am a "great guy, nice guy, good looking guy, caring and compassionate guy". I'll at least agree with the caring and compassionate part, lol.
Well, that's a good start, Dksitecivil. The first thing I encourage single Christian women to look for is a godly man: a man who loves God, lives by what he reads in the Bible every day, is growing and as a result, serving somehow. Good looks are just icing on the cake; nice but not necessary and not a deal breaker. Here's the list my husband and I drew up for our single daughter to use:
- Does he have a reputation as a godly man with his pastor and other mature Christians who've known him for years? Does he get in to his Bible daily, act on what he learns there and deal with his sin quickly? Is he free of habitual or besetting sin? Does he let his understanding that God loves people drive him to love people, too? Has he kept all the promises and vows he's made?
- Does he have the skills and knowledge necessary for marriage - leadership skills, conflict resolution skills, social skills, life skills, financial skills and knowledge, knowledge of how marriage works, and a fairly good idea of how the opposite sex's mind works,? Or, is he willing and determined to become so (and willing to wait until he's got a good handle on it before asking for her)? Is he finished with his education and have a career that can support a family?
- Is he emotionally, mentally, socially and spiritually healthy, or willing and determined to become so (and willing to wait until he's got it before asking for her)? Is he teachable?
- Is he available? (no previous relationships that still have an emotional or legal hold on him, either in God's eyes or the law's eyes)
Which boils down to:
Is he godly?
Is he ready?
Is he healthy?
Is he available?
quote:
I was told recently that I will meet that special girl when I am not looking to meet anyone. Huh ... what the heck does that mean?
It means some Christians don't realize they are superstitious.
As we obey God, He teaches us and sanctifies our lives. As we grow we become more ready to marry, so it might look like the surrender made God give a person a mate. What it was was they grew up enough to be ready to marry (the process continues after marriage, and often the lessons are much harder) so God gave them a mate. But it's not a "surrender to God and He has to give you a wife." We can't control God.
quote:
So, do I just hang out at church and "not look for anyone"? I just read what I wrote and wondering how pathetic I am, but I am actually serious. lol
I don't see you as pathetic but as a learner - that's very good! Is there an older married man in your church who can disciple you? Get on with your life with what God has put in front of you today, keep growing (be in your Bible every day, and do what you learn there), keep praying, and let God run your life. He's not going to withhold any good thing from you, so be confident His timing will be perfect. Go do what you are doing today, and God bless you!
And thank you for the inferred compliment, "a girl like you." There are many godly women here, and I think you are wise to see that. May God have one somewhere getting ready for you!
That is a great list! I may borrow it to give to my 8 year old someday wayyyy down the road.
I believe I pass the test on your list, though there is always room for growth in life and in my Christian walk. Thank you so very much!
In His name,
David
_____________________________
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11 NIV
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RE: Where do I meet a girl like you? - 10/21/2009 12:14:54 AM
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ebony101
Posts: 987
Joined: 4/1/2007
From: the big blue marble
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: dksitecivil
I was told recently that I will meet that special girl when I am not looking to meet anyone. Huh ... what the heck does that mean? I pray that God is preparing my future soul-mate for me and that He is preparing me for her. So, do I just hang out at church and "not look for anyone"?
I just read that recently as well in a book written by Myles Munroe. But just this weekend I was in a conversation with a few people and one guy mentioned that he wanted to get married and another person asked him if he was "doing anything to make that happen?"
Go figure! Do you just wait for God to put someone in your path or do you make an effort to meet people?
_____________________________
'We're writing a gospel, a chapter each day,
By the things that we do & the words that we say.'
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RE: Where do I meet a girl like you? - 10/21/2009 12:40:49 AM
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Gigem08
Posts: 225
Joined: 10/9/2006
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: deermousie
Elena gave you some great advice, dear Brother.
quote:
ORIGINAL: dksitecivil
Ok, I'm just going to throw this out there. I'm told that I am a "great guy, nice guy, good looking guy, caring and compassionate guy". I'll at least agree with the caring and compassionate part, lol.
Well, that's a good start, Dksitecivil. The first thing I encourage single Christian women to look for is a godly man: a man who loves God, lives by what he reads in the Bible every day, is growing and as a result, serving somehow. Good looks are just icing on the cake; nice but not necessary and not a deal breaker. Here's the list my husband and I drew up for our single daughter to use:
- Does he have a reputation as a godly man with his pastor and other mature Christians who've known him for years? Does he get in to his Bible daily, act on what he learns there and deal with his sin quickly? Is he free of habitual or besetting sin? Does he let his understanding that God loves people drive him to love people, too? Has he kept all the promises and vows he's made?
- Does he have the skills and knowledge necessary for marriage - leadership skills, conflict resolution skills, social skills, life skills, financial skills and knowledge, knowledge of how marriage works, and a fairly good idea of how the opposite sex's mind works,? Or, is he willing and determined to become so (and willing to wait until he's got a good handle on it before asking for her)? Is he finished with his education and have a career that can support a family?
- Is he emotionally, mentally, socially and spiritually healthy, or willing and determined to become so (and willing to wait until he's got it before asking for her)? Is he teachable?
- Is he available? (no previous relationships that still have an emotional or legal hold on him, either in God's eyes or the law's eyes)
Which boils down to:
Is he godly?
Is he ready?
Is he healthy?
Is he available?
quote:
I was told recently that I will meet that special girl when I am not looking to meet anyone. Huh ... what the heck does that mean?
It means some Christians don't realize they are superstitious.
As we obey God, He teaches us and sanctifies our lives. As we grow we become more ready to marry, so it might look like the surrender made God give a person a mate. What it was was they grew up enough to be ready to marry (the process continues after marriage, and often the lessons are much harder) so God gave them a mate. But it's not a "surrender to God and He has to give you a wife." We can't control God.
quote:
So, do I just hang out at church and "not look for anyone"? I just read what I wrote and wondering how pathetic I am, but I am actually serious. lol
I don't see you as pathetic but as a learner - that's very good! Is there an older married man in your church who can disciple you? Get on with your life with what God has put in front of you today, keep growing (be in your Bible every day, and do what you learn there), keep praying, and let God run your life. He's not going to withhold any good thing from you, so be confident His timing will be perfect. Go do what you are doing today, and God bless you!
And thank you for the inferred compliment, "a girl like you." There are many godly women here, and I think you are wise to see that. May God have one somewhere getting ready for you!
I know this is She Says and if necessary I'll understand if my comment gets deleted but I wanted to say thanks for the list, I wrote it down and I have alot of the things already but definitely need to work on several areas.
Thanks again.
_____________________________
Jonathan S. Wilder
I only ask that you be real...
(Me)
(Please call me Jonathan, THANKS!)
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RE: Where do I meet a girl like you? - 10/21/2009 10:45:55 AM
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deermousie
Posts: 2450
Joined: 9/26/2007
Status: online
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quote:
ORIGINAL: dksitecivilThat is a great list! I may borrow it to give to my 8 year old someday wayyyy down the road.
I believe I pass the test on your list, though there is always room for growth in life and in my Christian walk. Thank you so very much!
You're welcome!
You go right ahead and take the list; change it if you want. It's what God taught us and He might teach you something different (in emphasis or direction, probably not in principle). Our daughter tweaked it her own way; fine with me. It gives her an objective standard.
You're welcome, Gigem! Rock on!
What's this about Baby Boomers? 
I'm thinking about the OP's original question, and I have to admit that if you had met me in my 20s when I was a baby Christian, you would have run screaming. God used the love and acceptance and pity that I received from my godly husband to change my life and heal me a great deal; I was a trainwreck. I've spent a few decades under some great pastoral teaching, and it changed how I did life. God's grace all the way!
I couldn't have passed muster on that list as a single except as seen through the filter, "- Is (s)he... willing and determined to become so?" I was willing and very determined, and it was about all I had going for me for years. That's God's gift, too, and He provided the people and teaching to get some of that through my willing but thick skull.
< Message edited by deermousie -- 10/21/2009 11:16:16 AM >
_____________________________
People died to give you the Bible in your language.
Read it. Eat it. Dwell in it. Rightly divide it. Live it.
Laugh, dance, praise your God, and go read some more. And God bless you.
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