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Internal Parent Battle - 8/28/2008 11:00:59 AM
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all4aremine
Posts: 53
Joined: 7/24/2008
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For the last 15 years of my life, I have worked outside of the home. My one and only child (have 3 stepchildren)just turned 5 years old and started kindergarten. I, of course, took off the first day of school to see my son off to school.
Well now I am battling inside myself because I want to be a SAHM and see my son's first year at kindergarten, but I know that my family of 6 can't live on just my husband's income, so here I sit at work wishing I could be at home.
Please pray that I can get through this battle 
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RE: Internal Parent Battle - 8/28/2008 11:37:45 AM
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stampinlady
Posts: 1576
Joined: 4/12/2005
From: Northern IL
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quote:
but I know that my family of 6 can't live on just my husband's income
Are you sure you can't? Many families do without so that mom can stay home and do well.
What would you do at home while your child is in school? It gets pretty boring at times for me. I'm looking to expand my horizons, but just not where. I don't have a degree and would ned to go to school. Can you work part time?
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Deb
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RE: Internal Parent Battle - 8/28/2008 11:40:51 AM
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all4aremine
Posts: 53
Joined: 7/24/2008
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No I know for sure right now since we just purchased two new trucks, a camper, and a 4 wheeler. I know those are definitely luxuries but he can't pay the notes and I am not willing to mess up his and mine credit after we have worked through our divorces to clean them up.
As far as working part time- not much in the town I live in
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RE: Internal Parent Battle - 8/28/2008 12:10:59 PM
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VisitorinWaiting
Posts: 720
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I'll share something with you that really impacted me...the other day I was just in the dumps because I didn't have any adults to talk to...and I read this. I have felt much better about being a SAHM since... It talks about the situation you are in...a mother who thought she could not live on one income because of luxuries... (You know, trucks, campers, and four-wheelers come and go...but your child will only be 5 once...)
http://www.troubledwith.com/LifePressures/A000001164.cfm?topic=life+pressures%3A+stay-at-home+moms
Hope the link works....
_____________________________
Hebrews 11:13,16 "...They said they were like visitors and strangers on earth...they were waiting for a better country, a heavenly country." (NCV)
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RE: Internal Parent Battle - 8/28/2008 12:19:26 PM
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Mrs.Wifey
Posts: 5091
Joined: 4/12/2005
From: The Gorgeous plains of Colorado
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Can you sell the "extras" and stay home?
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RE: Internal Parent Battle - 8/28/2008 12:52:16 PM
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SurpassingPeace
Posts: 109
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How does your husband feel about you staying at home? The reason I ask is because when we decided I would be a sahm we sold everything we could get our hands on and cut back dramatically on our lifestyle. My husband was completely gung ho about he idea. If he was not then the change from living a somewhat affluent life to one that skirts much closer to the bare necessities would have caused a great deal of friction in our marriage. To us, as long as we have our needs covered (roof over our head, food, clothes, medical), we are content but I think you both have to be on the same page. There are moments of weakness when you friends are taking great vacations and can buy clothes when it is not on super clearance, or even buy clothes for that matter (thanks sis for the awesome hand me downs!), or do other things you can't do right now and these moments need you both going for the same goal.
If he is on the same page you will be amazed where you can cut out spending. We were amazed, and a little sickened, to see how much money we were wasting each month. Our budget doesn't even always work on paper but each month God provides.
I pray for God to find a way for you to stay home. My sister was a sahm to her four since the first was born. She told me that the it was the teen years rather than the toddler that were more important she was home.
Karen
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RE: Internal Parent Battle - 8/28/2008 1:31:13 PM
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garsyt
Posts: 2230
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From: the bottom of the laundry basket
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quote:
ORIGINAL: SurpassingPeace
How does your husband feel about you staying at home? The reason I ask is because when we decided I would be a sahm we sold everything we could get our hands on and cut back dramatically on our lifestyle. My husband was completely gung ho about he idea. If he was not then the change from living a somewhat affluent life to one that skirts much closer to the bare necessities would have caused a great deal of friction in our marriage. To us, as long as we have our needs covered (roof over our head, food, clothes, medical), we are content but I think you both have to be on the same page. There are moments of weakness when you friends are taking great vacations and can buy clothes when it is not on super clearance, or even buy clothes for that matter (thanks sis for the awesome hand me downs!), or do other things you can't do right now and these moments need you both going for the same goal.
If he is on the same page you will be amazed where you can cut out spending. We were amazed, and a little sickened, to see how much money we were wasting each month. Our budget doesn't even always work on paper but each month God provides.
I pray for God to find a way for you to stay home. My sister was a sahm to her four since the first was born. She told me that the it was the teen years rather than the toddler that were more important she was home.
Karen
This bears repeating.
Another thing to look at would be the amount of money you put INTO working. From clothing to travel to wear and tear on your car to meals out or on the go because there just isn't time to cook something at home. One can get by on thrift store and clearance racks the vast majority of the time - especially if they aren't dressing for a particular job setting. We used to just go to the bookstore when we wanted a book prior to me coming home full time - now we are all (the entire family) avid library patrons.
Karen is absolutely right when she says you and your husband, both, NEED on the same page and have the same goal.
I also agree that the teen and even late pre-teen years (especially for girls I've found) it is so important for the children to have a parent always available. If I were working, I would miss so much of my kids' lives, and as I now have one in high school and one almost 11 year old pre-teen who is growing up so fast ( I also have a 9 year old and a 7 year old) it is extremely important for me to be available for them. To be there when they are home, to be available during the day should I be needed. This past month I applied for a part-time position AT my kids' school. Right now a position right in my kids' schools would be best for me as when they are off I am off and if needed I would be right there or at most VERY close by and able to be right there within moments. I didn't get the job, but that's okay too.
I've been a SAHM or a work AT home mom for the last 14 years this coming October 15. My eldest was just over 10 months old when hubby blessed me and we moved and he brought me home full-time.
IF this is something that both you and your husband desire it can easily be done.
I will keep you in my prayers as decisions are made.
Blessings,
Garsy
_____________________________
My Blog: www.moredayslikethisplease.wordpress.com
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RE: Internal Parent Battle - 8/28/2008 1:40:04 PM
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all4aremine
Posts: 53
Joined: 7/24/2008
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To answer your question- my husband is all for whatever makes me happy. He is willing to take on the burden if I so desire it, but he wants to make sure I am happy with the decision
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RE: Internal Parent Battle - 8/28/2008 4:24:24 PM
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garsyt
Posts: 2230
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From: the bottom of the laundry basket
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Would it be possible to take a leave of absence from your job - a couple months maybe? Kinda a trail run at being a SAHM? Is your job something that could translate into something you could do from home? Many many folks are finding that what they do from the office can just as easily be done from home and often times companies are willing to work with you to find a way for it to work. Then you could STILL work and bring in an income but you could do it on YOUR schedule and still be available for your children.
Blessings,
Garsy
_____________________________
My Blog: www.moredayslikethisplease.wordpress.com
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RE: Internal Parent Battle - 8/28/2008 4:38:50 PM
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VisitorinWaiting
Posts: 720
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quote:
ORIGINAL: all4aremine
To answer your question- my husband is all for whatever makes me happy. He is willing to take on the burden if I so desire it, but he wants to make sure I am happy with the decision
How could a mom NOT be happy to spend more time with her child? 
_____________________________
Hebrews 11:13,16 "...They said they were like visitors and strangers on earth...they were waiting for a better country, a heavenly country." (NCV)
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RE: Internal Parent Battle - 8/28/2008 5:19:03 PM
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SurpassingPeace
Posts: 109
Joined: 11/21/2007
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If you and your husband are both willing to make the sacrifices, then I say pray to God to make sure it is His will for you and go for it. It is the best job in the world. I wouldn't go back to my professional life, which I really liked, for anything.
As far as the money goes, I have learned so much. We have embarked on a simplified life. At first it was because of money but soon it became the life we desire. I don't want to go back into the rat race full of stuff ever again. There was some real unhappiness for me personally when we were pursuing things. I am so much more joyful now. Saving money has almost become a game. I was like a little kid on Christmas when I realized that I could buy bulk grains, beans, etc., grow my own spices, save a ton of money, cook a much more healthy meal from scratch for my family, and it tasted 2000 times better. I knew that all along but I was still giddy when it finally sunk in to my head. I have learn many other money saving techniques and made new friends in the process.
What it comes down to, for me, is even though I no longer have department store clothes, a brand new car every three years, or my kitchen professionally remodeling, what I get in return is to see my daughter's smiling face all day long, her first crawl (backwards!), hold her while she is cutting teeth, and all the other firsts in her life. I will really be there for here and any other children God may bless us with in the future. Also, my dh is so much happier I am a sahm. He eats better, doesn't have to pitch in as much on the house (he still helps when I need it and I am so grateful), and he also has a much more calm, content wife now that I am out of the legal rat race. Our time is now our time rather than the few hours we have a week to get all the chores done so we can hurry up and go back to work. It is worth every, single sacrifice we have made.
I am sorry to ramble on but God greatly bless our lives. There were so many things that were working against me staying home. My husband and I both kept praying, "God, we think this is what you want for our family. If it is your will then please show us the steps we need to take to make it happen." Two months before our daughter was born I quit work and staying home did not look like it was going to work out for long. We continued to pray. Then dh lost his job when I was 8 and 1/2 months pregnant. Talk about exciting! We held on and kept praying. Two weeks before I delivered my husband landed the job of his dreams with a salary that enables me to stay home. God is so good!
If you want to stay home and dh is on board, then start praying. If it is His will, God will provide a way for you.
Bless you,
Karen
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RE: Internal Parent Battle - 8/29/2008 10:27:45 PM
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creationtalk
Posts: 696
Joined: 6/9/2005
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quote:
ORIGINAL: all4aremine
For the last 15 years of my life, I have worked outside of the home. My one and only child (have 3 stepchildren)just turned 5 years old and started kindergarten. I, of course, took off the first day of school to see my son off to school.
Well now I am battling inside myself because I want to be a SAHM and see my son's first year at kindergarten, but I know that my family of 6 can't live on just my husband's income, so here I sit at work wishing I could be at home.
Please pray that I can get through this battle
It's really hard for me to pray that you can get over the desire to stay home and be there for your child. I'd a lot rather pray that you can find some way to provide for your family while meeting the needs of your heart. I can so relate to your struggle.
I'm a single mom, have been since soon after my son's birth. I didn't get to stay home with my infant, though I wanted to SO much...I was extremely fortunate that my boss let me take my child to work with me for the first 4 months and work from home a lot the first year. I want to be home to help my son with his schoolwork...but I have to work. Right now I'm working hard to save money and pay off debt--only vehicle, student loans, second mortgage--as soon as possible so that I can either take a leave of absence for a couple of years or work part-time when my son reaches the pre-teen/teen break. I've missed so much of his life, I believe I need to be there for him then.
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RE: Internal Parent Battle - 8/29/2008 10:50:57 PM
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IAMJulie
Posts: 323
Joined: 4/18/2005
From: WA
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If getting rid of some luxeries to stop working entirely doesn't work have you considered cutting your hours? You could then see him off to school, be there when he comes home, or take a day off work (work four 8's instead of 5) and volunteer in his class.
Also, have you guys considered taking a financial course like Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace University? That type of thing may give you the ideas and skills to make some changes.
_____________________________
Julie, wife to Rob, mom to son Gabriel (2/04), daughter Zion (10/06), and son Gideon born 4/28/08, dog Towzer, cats Spot, Benny and Maisy, and many, many fish. Check out my blog at www.wellblessed.blogspot.com :)
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RE: Internal Parent Battle - 9/2/2008 10:19:33 AM
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all4aremine
Posts: 53
Joined: 7/24/2008
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I did pray to God all weekend long about this. He laid it on my heart to change my hours. I ended up throwing a huge fit to my husband on Friday and refusing to go to work. He came home from work and was willing to talk to me about it. We prayed about it and last night I got my answer. I am going to change my hours and be able to see him off to school everday. My husband will be changing his position at work and will be working less hours so he will be there when they get out of school. I feel much better about this decision.
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RE: Internal Parent Battle - 9/3/2008 1:08:39 AM
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IAMJulie
Posts: 323
Joined: 4/18/2005
From: WA
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I'm glad that you found an answer that gives you peace. Take care!
_____________________________
Julie, wife to Rob, mom to son Gabriel (2/04), daughter Zion (10/06), and son Gideon born 4/28/08, dog Towzer, cats Spot, Benny and Maisy, and many, many fish. Check out my blog at www.wellblessed.blogspot.com :)
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RE: Internal Parent Battle - 9/3/2008 12:13:30 PM
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HisLamb26
Posts: 360
Joined: 4/17/2005
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Hi all4aremine,
Have you ever considered shift work?
I have worked the night shift for the bulk of our marriage, and am succesfully raising 3 kids. (youngest is 10 now).
Night shift alllows for much time home, as well as needed flexibility for 1/2 days, vacations, appointments, parent teacher conferences, and sick child days. And you get the second income to boot. Plus many companies offer differentials for working off shift-I can earn in a 32hour night shift week what my peers earn in 40hr days shift week.
Swing shifting has worked wonderfully for our family, and one of us is always with the kids. Even when they were pre school age-I used minimal babysitting. (Had a lady from church come over for 3-4hrs once or twice a week so I could get a power nap.)
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RE: Internal Parent Battle - 9/3/2008 1:19:07 PM
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all4aremine
Posts: 53
Joined: 7/24/2008
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My particular field of work doesn't offer shift work. My husband could do shift work but he is okay with his work schedule. It really isn't about someone watching my kids because it is their grandma that watches them after school- it is just wanting to be there to experience their little faces after a long day at school or getting ready in the morning.
The last two days, even though hectic, have been very good for me. I have been able to take them to school and I like seeing their faces in the morning.
Thank you everyone for your prayers and suggestions. I have read through all and prayed what was on God's heart and right now I am getting a clear picture of what I am doing is right.
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