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Ending a relatioship help - 8/28/2008 1:10:37 PM
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NightJay0044
Posts: 68
Joined: 5/17/2006
Status: offline
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Hi all, I know when it comes down to it, it's my choice to end a relationship nobody can tell me how or to do it.
But the thing is, I'm in this relationship with a girl and I'm never really excited to see her or miss her to much and our relationship isnt' very good there's no openess, it's just it's not good for me.
The problem is I want to end it, but there is this part of me that wont every time I want to do it. I know it's not good for me anybody can see and even I do. I just feel like I'm trapped in a way and can't end it and I know nothing will really happen if I do, it's just the fear or something. So can someone give me some advice on this or guidence? Thank you.
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RE: Ending a relatioship help - 8/28/2008 1:17:31 PM
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RichLP
Posts: 1623
Joined: 5/4/2005
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This girl deserves justice and honesty from you, and the longer you withhold it, the angrier and more hurt she will be when you finally come clean.
You need to be courageous and confront her. This will be difficult and painful, but it's what you must do.
Ask yourself why you believe this relationship is hopeless. Make a list if necessary. Not a list of what's bad about her; rather, a list of what's not working. Then, if you conclude that this relationship cannot be salvaged, then sit her down and tell her calmly but honestly and firmly your reasons for believing that it's time to move on.
As for what will happen: you cannot control the consequences insofar as she is concerned. Whether she cries, begs, gets violence, curses you out, storms out before letting you finish, accepts your decision peacefully... she chooses her reaction.
But again: the longer you procrastinate, the more unfair you are being to her. And if she doesn't suspect that you want to end this, it'll be worse. So go talk to her and set her free. It's unfair for you to hold her when you don't want to hold her.
_____________________________
"We have removed an ally of Al Qaeda" - G.W. Bush lies to America and to the world, 5/1/2003
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RE: Ending a relatioship help - 8/28/2008 6:29:24 PM
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ames01
Posts: 126
Joined: 5/11/2007
Status: offline
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quote:
This girl deserves justice and honesty from you, and the longer you withhold it, the angrier and more hurt she will be when you finally come clean.
I agree with this. Breaking up with her is going to cause her pain, there is no doubt about that. But endlessly stringing her along when you don't intend for the relationship to progress any farther will end up causing more damage in the long run. Women can usually figure out when men are doing that, even if we don't want to let ourselves admit it. I'm sure that you are trying not to hurt her, but in the long run the kindest thing you can do is to release her from being tied up in a relationship that is not going to work out, so that she can heal and move on. Be gentle but honest. Don't try to maintain a friendship with her right now, as it may give her false hope and delay her healing process. And give yourself some time to heal as well before moving on to another relationship.
I'm sorry that you're in this situation. It's no fun to be on either side of a break-up.
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RE: Ending a relatioship help - 8/28/2008 6:41:17 PM
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agapetos
Posts: 5379
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: This side of the lil duck pond!
Status: online
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quote:
ORIGINAL: RichLP
This girl deserves justice and honesty from you, and the longer you withhold it, the angrier and more hurt she will be when you finally come clean.
You need to be courageous and confront her. This will be difficult and painful, but it's what you must do.
Ask yourself why you believe this relationship is hopeless. Make a list if necessary. Not a list of what's bad about her; rather, a list of what's not working. Then, if you conclude that this relationship cannot be salvaged, then sit her down and tell her calmly but honestly and firmly your reasons for believing that it's time to move on.
As for what will happen: you cannot control the consequences insofar as she is concerned. Whether she cries, begs, gets violence, curses you out, storms out before letting you finish, accepts your decision peacefully... she chooses her reaction.
But again: the longer you procrastinate, the more unfair you are being to her. And if she doesn't suspect that you want to end this, it'll be worse. So go talk to her and set her free. It's unfair for you to hold her when you don't want to hold her.
Nice post!
It's possible that you don't want to let her go because you don't want to be alone ~ ie someone is better than no one. Ask yourself what you'd do if you met someone who you wanted to spend time with ~ would you break up with the lady you're seeing or continue to see her because you couldn't break it off with her.
_____________________________
Knowledge is knowing that a tomato is a fruit.
Wisdom is not using them in fruit salads!
My blog
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